The Run To Quinn

~•12•~

"You can stop them," he pointed out. "You can."

I shook my head, closing my eyes. "I've tried."

"Have you? I think you like this. I think you like causing me to wake up in sweats as my little sister screams from the room next to me," he said.

Mom stepped into the living room. "Reston, I think you need to stop."

"No, Mom."

Mom made a face that usually scared us into behaving. It only made Reston glare at her harder.

"Yamina, let them talk this out," my dad slowly guided mom out the front door.

The door shut and I was back to being alone, sitting on the couch as Reston stood in front me, looking down. The air felt blue even though it was Summer. My heart was steady, a beat that moved to the rhythm of my sad mind.

"Oh? Are you going to cry, now?" Reston asked. "Quinn, you can't outrun yourself."

"You think I don't know that!?" I screamed, standing up. "You think I like not sleeping? Being scared to shut my eyes? Every time I sleep I feel like I'm being bludgeoned and beat and raped. I can't stop them, Reston." I wanted him to understand what I was going through but he'd never get it.

I didn't even get it.

"You have her number." Reston nodded to the kitchen where a witch's card sat on the table. Her name was Sisca Partain, a powerful witch in Canada. My brother knew her through someone who knew her through someone else and so on.

I hated the nightmares, hated closing my eyes. But I couldn't imagine a life without them. They told me things, gave me things. I knew secrets I shouldn't of known, because they told me. Fear was a small price to pay for knowledge. The truth was I hadn't tried getting rid of them. I liked them.

"I know you think you're some seer, some untouchable bitch because of those dreams but I'm here to tell you, that they're going to kill you." Reston cared, he did. But he didn't understand.

I scoffed. "You are so perfect! You have everything lined up for you! Everyone loves you, Res. You're smart and funny and I don't have that! I'm just your little sister, constantly living in your shadow!"

Reston rolled his eyes. "Oh save me the speech you heard once on TV, all siblings feel that way! You're jealous of me and so you keep your little trippy dreams and you keep destroying yourself!"

I stomped my foot. "I'm not destroying myself! I'm giving myself a one up on you. I'm jealous of you? Well maybe I am. But you're jealous of me too, of me having something that you don't! These nightmares have saved your life!"

Reston grabbed my arms roughly, causing the wounds to reopen underneath the bandages. "You think I'm jealous of my little suicidal sister and her fucking nightmares? God, I almost wish they'd take you already. It would be better than this shell, this soul eating and sleep deprived monster that stands in my sister's clothes. I don't want my life saved at the expense of yours!"

He knew what he said was wrong. Maybe I'd forgive him if he felt bad, but he didn't regret it. If given the opportunity to go back and change his words, he wouldn't. He believed in them.