Hidden in these lies (Michaeng fanfic, multiship, gxg)

Seulgi

I always used Wattpad as a diary, writing about myself, using twice as characters. But this time, I really need to ask for direct advice. This is me, coming to you, asking you directly your opinion on a matter.

I'm sorry, but I can't take the time to write an entire plot story about this. I just want you to help me.

This story will be about me meeting a girl (I'm a girl). I don't know if I have romantic feelings. I've liked girls in the past, so it's not a problem of accepting my gay side or anything. It's just that this feeling I have for her is so strong I can't describe it. I'm so confused about it, because it's not friendship, it's not a crush. It's more than that. I'm so confused I felt like I needed and opinion from someone else. This post will be long, but please bear through it.

I'm begging you.

I'm a girl, 17, French who moved to Seoul at the beginning of August 2019. Since seventh grade, I've been moving every year to a different school, or even country (South Korea is my fourth county since this started) this has made me struggle to make long lasting and meaningful friendships. Don't get me wrong, I've always been pretty popular, and never struggle to make friends, got invited to all the parties and what people would call a social butterfly, but all of that is temporary. After a year, I move away and everything resets itself, and I have to start the process again and again.

I think it would also be important to say that I'm an only child, and am not at all close to my parents. They're not divorced, but my dad lives in Hong Kong for business, and my mom is just constantly moving around for work as well. I'm used to living by myself, and decided to move to Seoul for a year in a host family, because I can (that was literally my only argument when people asked me why I did it).

I arrived to my classroom three days before my birthday, on a Friday, meaning my birthday would be the next Monday (important) . And since I was girl with blonde hair and blue eyes in an all Korean school, everyone went pretty wild. Everyone in my class circled me for the entire day, asking me questions and just constantly being around me. It was pretty exhausted having twenty five people all looking, circling you and listening to everything you say. Everyone came, but one person. One girl had stayed at her desk, and was simply reading a book. Sometimes she'd look up towards me, make eye contact, smile gently before going back to her book. I didn't think too much of it, maybe she was simply shy.

On Monday, I arrived early in the classroom (like forty minutes early), it's a habit I used to have because I used to hate being at home, and it just stuck.. I noticed the girl was also there. She was again, reading her book, alone at the desk. I went on and did my thing, until she came to me, and shyly gave me a package. A birthday present, with a letter she had written. She had written it once in English, once in Korean, so I would be able to "practice". In the letter, she apologised for not greeting me the first day, that she wanted us to be friends, but that I seemed overwhelmed so she didn't want to add another person to it.

Her name is Lee Seulgi (there's actually many Seulgis in Korea, it's a common name)

Seulgi was the only person to wish me a happy birthday that day (no one had asked, and I never make a big fuss about it, because I usually spend my birthday alone, since my parents are busy and it's still in the summer vacation in Europe), and it was one of my first birthday presents ever. This girl, that I had never talked to, went out of her way to ask the teacher my birthday, bought me a present and wrote me a letter.

After that we quickly became close friends. I also realised that she totally was the mom of the class, constantly taking care of everyone, making sure everyone was okay, extremely selfless. Too selfless. If I gave her 20 candies, she'd distribute them to everyone, and only allow herself to eat one if there were any left. If we arrived in a new classroom, she'd wait for everyone to take a seat, and only take one afterwards (if there were no seats left, she'd just stay up for however long she had to.)