Jaded

Twenty

TWENTY

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I was going to do it.

For days now I had been deliberating on it. My thoughts had never once strayed from the topic ever since Parker first said something. It bothered me. It had always bothered me, and I just couldn't take it any more. Thinking this I ran a hand through my long hair nervously. I didn't know how to approach them with it, but I knew I had to. I mean Parker had encouraged me to try and move passed Pierce's death and that advice had already served me in countless ways. I knew this would too but I just had to get there. That was the hardest part.

I wrung my hands out on my shirt. Mom and dad would be home in any second. They had went to dinner with some friend from work. They had wanted me to go but I had been careful to avoid running into them all day. They couldn't invite me if they couldn't find me. I glanced towards the door at the sound of the garage door being raised. I took a deep breath. I could do this. It was easy. And then mom and dad walked through the door talking quietly.

"Oh, there you are, Spencer,"  mom said.

"Where have you been all day?"

"I was studying with Jasmine," I lied easily.

Dad took off his tie, dropping it onto the kitchen counter. "Well, that's good. We wouldn't want your grades to drop. Just because you have already been accepted doesn't mean that can't change," he informed me as he turned back around to face me. I knew this was my chance. He had left me an opening and I would take it. I drug my hand through my hair again. I just had to say it. That all I had to do. I cleared my throat, drawing their attention back to me.

"I... uh... wanted to tell you something."

"What's that, darling?" mom asked me.

I looked down at the table, running my finger along the edge of it. "It's about college, specifically my major. I know you guys want to see me studying law or medicine, but that isn't me. I should have said something sooner but I was scared," I said lamely. I let my hand fall off the side of the table as I pulled my eyes back to theirs. They were watching me expressionless. I knew this wasn't the hardest part. The hardest part was telling them what I wanted to do. "I-I want to major in art. I've been really thinking about it and that's what I want to do. I love it. I could see myself doing it my whole life. I am really good and before you say its stupid just listen. I could go into advertisement and that would—"

"Absolutely not!" dad roared. His outburst was so sudden that it pushed me into silence. It had been such a complete and utter shock I didn't even know how to react. I looked up at him. His face was flushed red and a vein was jumping in his forehead. Oh god. "I know it sounds fun and exciting, but this is the real world, Spencer. We don't get to paint pictures and feed a family. We don't get to do the things we love. We do the things that allow us to survive. What were you thinking? Art?" He snorted. The sound was so offensive I felt myself instantly become irritated. He made me feel so stupid—so ridiculous. "Do you know what art is, Spencer? It's a waste of time and money. Do something profitable."

"I don't care about money!" I yelled.

"You don't care about money?" he asked sarcastically. He threw his head back and laughed. "Now there's a laugh. Everyone cares about money. Money is what makes our world go around. It's what feeds us and sustains us. You don't have anything if you don't have money." He shook his head a twisted smile on his lips. He pressed his fingers on the bridge of his nose. "Art? That is most ignorant thing I have ever heard."

I felt my stomach drop at the same time my brain kicked into high gear. I knew this would happen—I knew it. This was the very reason I had never told them. They couldn't and wouldn't understand it, and now I felt like this. They might as well of spit on me and laughed in my face. They took the one thing I was sure about in my life and totally tore it to pieces. I took a step back, my eyes locked on the floor. I felt something I hadn't felt in years. I felt embarrassed. "Darling, what your father is saying is that we just want the best for you. However much you might like it art is a major that won't go anywhere. It would be a waste of your time. You know that, don't you?" mom asked, breaking through my hectic thoughts.