The Truth After Allegiant

Chapter 6 - I'm Responsible

Chapter 6 - I'm Responsible

Christina

Now that I just finished work at the tattoo parlor, I am heading over to Four's apartment. I really don't know what I plan on saying, but I guess the candor in me is somewhat curious and wanting to see what's up with him.

Of course, I already have a huge idea that I already know what's wrong with him, but I still just want to check in.

Plus, we really only have each other. Yes, there's Zeke and Amar and Shauna and George and any other of our friends, but unlike them, I guess you could say I understand what Four is going through more than they do.

People always are telling me that Four and I should 'get together' but I know that that would be extremely uncomfortable for both of us. For one, I would feel like I'm cheating on Will, and I would feel like I was taking Four away from Tris, and even though she isn't here anymore, I could never do that.

So, Four and I are more like, well let's just say we have the same friends, and the same losses.

Tobias

Just as I finish sweeping my apartment, I heard a knock on my door.

I groan. I completely forgot about Chris's text.

"It's open!" I yell trying to shove the broom in the closet. I probably should have cleaned that too because it's about to burst open once I finally get it to shut.

I turn around to see a chuckling Chris standing there.

"My closet doesn't like me too much," I tell her, laughing a little myself and shaking my head.

"I can tell."

"So..." I start not really wanting to continue the conversation, because I know where it's going.

"How are..."

Before she could finish her sentence, the closet open yet again and we both burst out laughing.

"I swear this closet is out to get me." I roll my eyes in annoyance.

"Here. I'll help you." She says and we begin to pull everything out of the closet.

"So, as I was saying, how are you?" She asks.

"Alright, just as usual."

"Are you sure?" She questions me. Looking at me for a while.

Ugh, once a Candor, always a Candor.

"Yes, I'm sure. I'm not happy, not sad, I'm okay." I say partially lying because I am sad and depressed, and upset.

"I'd say you're on the lower end of the 'okay' side of okay."

"Well, you already seem to know how I am, so what about you?" I ask while putting a box in the corner of the closet.

"Well, honestly, I guess I'm okay too."

I just nod my head. Both of us know why she's here, but neither of us wants to continue this conversation. We just keep organizing the closet.

Then she breaks the silence.

"Look, I know that you know why I'm here."

"Chris, I really don't..."

"Talking might help Four!" She snaps. "Maybe if you left your apartment once and a while you would be in touch with your friends. They miss you! We all do! I mean, don't think that we didn't loose people that we loved, because both of us know they did. But don't shut everyone out. They want to help, and talking to people with similar experiences just might help you!" She says looking like she's about to burst out into tears.

"I'm not trying to shut you guys out!" I yell back. "Do you think that I don't know that you guys lost loved ones? It's just too many memories, Christina!" I feel hot tears in my eyes, but I push them away.

"I feel responsible for most of those deaths! It's my fault Uriah is dead! I promised to protect him! Tori, well if we had travled in a group with her while outside the fence, maybe she would have at least had a chance to be here right now! I may have not had part in Will's death, but it upset Tris greatly, so it upsets me! And Tris! Don't you think that I wish she was here now?! I could have saved her! I had so many chances! I should have known that she would have went to the weapons lab instead of Caleb, but I was so distracted that I didn't even care or notice! I can't go anywhere without there being haunting memories of her, Christina! I can't!" I feel multiple tears slip down my cheeks and I look up at Chris to see that she has tear streaks on her face as well.

"I'm sorry." I corak, my voice scratchy from yelling.

"You know that you're not responsible for any of those deaths." She says sternly.

"No. I am responsible."

"No, your not. Tris would not want you to walk around guilty for all the things you couldn't control, Four! We can't control it! It's the past! Trust me, I wish I could change it too!" She sobs, wiping a tear from her face with the back of her hand.

I am left with no words again. Everything she has said is true. From talking will help, to that Tris wouldn't like to see that I'm living like this today. So I don't lie this time.

"I know."

"What do you know?" She asks.

"I know that Tris would hate how I'm living today, and everyday."

She just sadly smiles.

"Good."

I stand up and offer a hand for her which she takes and I pull her off the hard-wood floor. Then I turn around and close the now clean closet.

"Hey! We did good! It closes now!" I laugh. Tears are still falling down my face, but slower.

She just laughs in reply. A small, sad laugh.

Maybe I can try to change my ways a little, for Tris.

A/N-

Hi humans!

I just wanted to clarify that Tobias and Christina will not be in any form of relationship in this fanfic. They're more of like, coping friends, or something like that, but no love interest.

Anyways...

Thanks for reading!

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