it's a bad religion
to be in love with
someone who
could never love you.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
in which an on-screen genius creates an off-screen disaster.
*completed on 4/24/2020*
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the music pumped through our home as i danced happily with my sister to the holiday music. giggling loudly as kirsten and paget jumped in, all of us making fools of ourselves as we danced to mariah carey's christmas classic. my brother and my parents stood off to the side, laughing at us, and the boys stood around a table, drinking their drinks and laughing loudly.
"you know, i think every year, this is the one thing i look forward to the most." kirsten practically shouts over the music.
"christmas?" paget asks, and kirsten quickly shakes her head.
"no. asteria's christmas party." she breathes out, all of us ceasing our movements as the song comes to an end.
"oh me too." thea says, leaning forward on her knees as she takes a moment to catch her breath.
we all burst out into a fit of giggle and the next christmas song plays, but matthew quickly presses pause. i furrow my eyebrows, staring over at him as he holds my phone in his hands.
"hey! okay! so ummm...as we all know, asteria is a dancer. SO, i thought it'd be kind of funny if i decided to be her for a day and did a dance. so um...this is my courting dance!" he shouts happily, playing pyt by michael jackson over the speakers.
i laughed wildy as he flailed his arms around, dancing like one of those car sale inflatables. he danced around me as all of our friends watched and recorded happily, and my mother cried softly, making me furrow my eyebrows. as the song came to an end, i clapped my hands, laughing lightly as i looked between him and our friends.
"asteria...i love you. i loved you from the very moment i broke your nose. so-..." he trailed off, severely out of breath, and kneeling down onto his left knee.
i gasped, covering my mouth, and my heart completely stopped in that moment. and suddenly, it felt like time was suspended, as if the world had stopped spinning.
"gooby..."
"asteria, buttercup, dea, love of my life...will you-"
"yes." i nodded, a sob coming out of my mouth as i kneeled down in front of him.
"can i finish?" he laughs.
"yes. sorry i- yes!" i shout, making everyone laugh.
"will- baby can i- WILL YOU MARRY ME!?" he shouts, opening the box to reveal the screw he once had in his knee.
"YES!" i shout, sobbing heavily as i grabbed his face and pressing his lips to mine.
i could hear our friends and family cheering around us, and finally, for the first time in forever, everything made sense. all of it. all the pain, struggles, and tears. it all made sense. so my friends, i leave you with this, trust in the process. worship in that bad religion. because it's true what they say, when you know, you know. trust yourself. trust in the path the world has set for you. trust in love. it's out there, and if it's for me and matthew, it's definitely for you too.
