bad religion // m. gray gubler

fix it before she's gone forever

*august 6, 2017* matthew's POV

"and cut!"

the bell rings on the set and i place the prop files down onto the desk with a loud sigh. ever since what happened with asteria, things in my life hadn't been the same. i never truly realized how big of a piece of my life she was until she wasn't in it.

"you good?" paget asks me as she leans against my desk.

"yeah. i'm fine." i sigh, pulling my phone from my pocket and looking at the lockscreen photo.

asteria and i were posed ridiculously in front of the mirror in her favorite store in the mall. she had a pile of clothes in her arms and both of us were wearing christmas themes sunglasses and sweaters with a cut out of each other face on them. asteria had them made for us because we were due at an ugly christmas sweater party that evening. we both had red and green socks on and both of us wore a pair of sandals, looking totally dumb, but i loved that about us. she was the only person i could be equally as weird with.

"clearly you're not." paget sighs as she looks down at me.

i click my phone off and put it back into my pocket, shaking my head. shemar walks up to us, taking a drink of his coffee as he places his hand on my shoulder.

"i'm gonna give it to you straight, you're dumb. and you messed up."

i scoff.

"you don't think i know that? i lost my best friend all because i couldn't figure out my feelings in time."

they both pause, sharing a look before turning back to me.

"what do you mean in time?" paget asks, leaning in closer.

i shake my head and stand up from the chair.

"i said what i said." i mumble, walking off the set and towards my trailer, my two friends following closely behind.

"oh my god you are in love with her!" shemar shouts, laughing loudly.

i stop in my tracks, abruptly turning and bringing my hand to his mouth.

"will you shut it? she's still here shooting for that dance show. not to mention we work with her best friend." i hiss.

he rolls his eyes, pushing my hand away from his mouth.

"you really are dumb." paget sighs, putting her hand to her forehead.

"you don't think i know that?" i argue, making my way into my trailer.

the two of them walk in and place themselves onto the couch next to me and my eye catches the small christmas tree in the corner of the counter. my heart drops in my chest as i recall the memory of asteria decorating my trailer last year. 'it's too gloomy in here, gooby. you look like the grinch.'

"you need to tell her, man." shemar says, kicking his feet up onto my coffee table.

"oh yeah. definitely." i reply sarcastically, standing up off the couch and grabbing a water bottle from the mini fridge.

"don't get sarcastic and defensive. you seriously need to tell her before it's too late." paget argues, making me roll my eyes.

"she's already seeing someone. does that not constitute as too late?"

"no. it doesn't it's not too late until there's a marriage certificate with their names on it." shemar says, pointing his finger at me.

paget gapes at him.

"that's...no that's not-" she stammers before she's quickly interrupted.

"don't listen to her. you need to tell her man. fix it before she's gone forever."

i slam the bottle onto the counter as i throw my hands up in frustration.

"she wants nothing to do with me! nothing at all!" i exclaim.

"that's because she's hurt. you messed up, goob. i won't sugarcoat that. you messed up and you messed up bad. so you're going to have to work really hard to get her back. but that girl loves you more than you could even imagine." paget explains, making my heart clench.

a sad chuckle leaves my lips and i sit back down on the couch, paget wraps her arm around me, leaning her head on my shoulder.

"i never appreciated the little things. like the fact that she used to put notes in random places in my house so i'd laugh when i'd see them. or that she knew exactly how to get my inspiration up for when i wasn't feeling very motivated. or how when i'd get really in a creative mode, she'd always cook food for me to make sure that i ate. and she used to make random sleeping nooks throughout my house so i wouldn't wake up with stiff muscles whenever i fell asleep while i worked. and when i did fall asleep, she cleaned up my messes and always had a cup of coffee and full water bottle waiting for me in the morning. god i'm such a fucking idiot." i laugh as the tears cascade down my face.

"well you know what they say...you only you love her when you let her go." shemar sighs, making look at him with a puzzled expression.

"that's a passenger song."

"context applies, okay?" he shrugs, making me chuckle.

"yeah...yeah it does."

"hey. listen, give her a little space for a while. that i can agree on. let her explore this thing with this guy. but be there for her. be the best friend she deserves. everything will work itself out." paget advises.

"okay. maybe not exactly that. but be there for her. show her you want to be around. show her you're not going to let her go that easily. work your ass off to get you two back to where you used to be. and yeah, that might mean you have to wait out this fling with the broadway boy." shemar explains, making me shake my head.

"that's the worst advice ever. you're telling me to sit on the sidelines and watch her love somebody that isn't me while i get to sit in my own misery?"

there's a knock at the door and paget and shemar are both called out. they both pause, sharing a look before they both stand up to leave.

"no, we're asking you to do for her exactly what she did for you for eight years. we're asking you to put her first."