it's a bad religion
to be in love with
someone who
could never love you.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
in which an on-screen genius creates an off-screen disaster.
*completed on 4/24/2020*
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as i push my way through the semi-crowded room, i begin to go through everything that i would say to him in my head. taking deep breaths as i approached the bar. i saw the back of matthew's head and my heart began to thump in my chest. but when i heard his loud laugh, i paused, stopping cold in my tracks. in front of matthew stood a tall and beautiful blonde woman. her smile far too wide and her hand resting gently on his forearm that was extended across the counter. i see my cosmo sitting on the table, lonely and getting warmer by the second. he reaches his left hand out, moving a piece of her hair behind her ear and she blushes, leaning closer towards him. i could physically feel the pain in my chest and i quickly turn back around, making my way back to the table. the tears stinging in my eyes as i shove my way past the many customers. i let out a long breath, trying to keep my emotions under control but all i can see in the image of matthew and the other woman. granted, i had no right to be upset at him. but i was. i was upset that he was so confusing to read. but i was also upset at myself for letting things go this far. i sat back in my seat, gulping down what was left of my already almost empty drink. the rest of the table eyeing me skeptically.
"what happened?" kirsten asks, getting out of her seat to sit in matthew's vacant one.
"he's umm...busy." i mumble, leaning my head onto her shoulder.
"what do you- oh..." paget grimaces as the group of men standing behind us clears and the view of matthew and the blonde fall straight into her view.
"well, we all know he's kind of stupid. so don't think too much about it. he likes you, it's impossible for him to hide it." shemar says attempting to reassure me.
"has he told you he has feelings for me?"
he pauses for a moment before shaking his head.
"he doesn't have to. you don't look at someone the way he looks at you if you don't feel something. even if he doesn't know it yet."
i chuckle sarcastically, grabbing matthew's left over glass and gulping down the rest of his beer.
"no, he doesn't. and that's okay. you can't make somebody love you." i sigh, turning to see that the blonde was now stood between his legs as he leaned back into the counter.
"i need a drink." i groan, standing up from my seat and kirsten grabs my arm.
"don't go over there. i got it." she says, smiling sadly and patting my shoulder.
i sit back down in the stool and kirsten walks over to the bar, grabbing my drink that was sitting by matthew. he turns to say something but she simply turns abruptly, walking away and placing the cosmo in front of me.
"here, baby." she says softly, and i sip on the pink fruity drink.
we all sit in silence and my friends keep a watchful gaze on me before i clear my throat, sitting up.
