Letters and Murmurs

Chapter Twelve: To the Sea

I packed my bag that night and made sure I was ready to go in the next few days. I made sure to contact the school and make sure they knew to leave me a message. Beckett would only be on tour every now on then when he was needed. Otherwise, my dad was handling everything. I hadn't really talked much with anyone else. It was going to be okay though that is what I kept telling myself. Our first stop was some weird place in Florida. I thought it was weird to start a tour there but I wasn't in charge. I had all my stuff ready and split in between two suitcases to stay on either bus. I would go down to one suitcase when we went overseas though.

I placed my first suitcase on the All Time Low bus getting a lot of sad glances. I shrugged them off as Ryleigh was just hyped to be with her boyfriend and friends again. I saw the sad glances and questionable looks. I hadn't picked up my medication so I would not have it this tour. I would be to my own devices. I then placed the other suitcase in the Panic! bus. I climbed up the steps to hear loud music playing. Zack Hall, Dad, Dan, and Mike were all doing a shot. Nicole was sitting in the back lounge area playing her bass. I began to look for my bunk which Mike had placed what looked like duck tape by each of the bunks. I found mine, being on the bottom floor bunk at the end by the lounge. I climbed into the bunk sliding the curtain closed and messed with the sheets that had been thrown in for me. I didn't bother to bring a pillow I slept pretty flat.

"She okay?" Dan asked the group while I heard them begin to chatter.

"She is fine. Just wants to grow up too fast." Dad said and I rolled my eyes at the stupid comment.

"Dude I heard about the argument from Sarah it didn't sound pretty. Does she know she was the -" Mike asked and dad cut him off.

"I can't take back anything I said so it's pointless to keep apologizing for it. She will need help sometime. I just hope she knows where she can go," Dad said before I heard another bottle being opened.

I felt the bus moving and I felt myself drift off to sleep. I knew it was all too good in my dreamland. It was like when I was in the in-between. There was this little boy there with my hair but Beckett's eyes. He kept calling out to me and I couldn't help him and it was so hard to watch him suffer. Kolbi was there and helped him but it was like it wasn't enough. My dream would then go to Beckett and I holding him as a newborn. I had this dream so many times and the name was always the same name, Sirius. Beckett thought it was fitting for a 'challenging' child. My dreams though over the past few months all consisted of this little boy named Sirius, they were very different. In some of the dreams he was sickly and hooked up to IVs, in others he was a very lively little boy who loved to bug Kolbi. Kolbi loved him all the same though.

"Wake up," I heard Mike groan rocking my body back and forth.

I finally slapped my hand against the bus wall and placed one on the bunk above me. I looked over at him glaring at him. Mike laughed and motioned for me to follow him. I didn't feel the bus moving anymore. I picked up my phone from the charger right outside my bunk. I followed Mike outside where everyone was joking around. Dad was trying to throw a football to Jack and Alex. Zack Merrick and Ryleigh were cuddled up together both in bathing suits. It seemed like everyone was either in a bathing suit or shirtless. I looked down at Beckett's hoodie and my Mickey Mouse pants.

"We are going to head toward the coast to the beach. Since we are going to be playing a few shows around here might as well explore." Mike said and I nodded before getting back on the bus.

I heard their murmurers as I climbed back on the bus going to my bunk.

"Brendon I don't think she is okay,"

"You need to fix this dude,"

"She is your daughter."

"Are you sure she is okay?"