Letters and Murmurs

Chapter Six: I Mean It

The days came faster approaching than what I would have liked. Beckett had been over to try and talk to me about what he knew and what he assumed. I blew it off a lot of the time because I knew Beckett was stressed. He stressed about classes and getting an apartment. Beckett said Katrina was getting out of hand with her parties and how he didn't want Kolbi growing up in that environment. That brought up a long discussion about what if I was touring. Beckett stifled a laugh but I was being serious he soon realized I was being honest and then decided that we would have a serious discussion.

"Well, it's not like we are exactly married. I would stay and take care of Kolbi while you go out and live your dream. I don't want to stop you from that but is that what you want? I mean you did apply to colleges and what if they take you off the waitlist?" Beckett said shuffling through papers looking at his notes.

"What if I went on tour?"

"I thought Jack uninvited you. I mean I know they wouldn't mind you tagging along with your dad but I thought we had this discussion about how we wanted to begin a life of our own. You know I may get a job at that publishing house editing and go through works," Beckett looked at me.

"Yeah, and who is going to take care of Kolbi?" I looked at him as he opened his mouth then shut it.

"In a perfect world you."

"This isn't a perfect world Beckett. I am also not really her mom. I know that I am not and that's okay. I just don't want her to get confused if this doesn't work out. We are still young and maybe, this might now work out. I don't know we toured last year together and it didn't go well. I just can't give up that part of me."

"I'm not asking you to do that."

"Then what are you asking for?" I looked at his gray eyes as he shook his head and went back to doing his notes.

"Beckett?"

"I'll sign the papers for the apartment and put the rent in if you'll stay." He said in a broken voice as I couldn't stand to just look at his back.

"Beckett, I can't stay," I said and rolled my lip in biting down on it.

"Please don't go." He begged as I fought back my urge to run and kiss him.

"I can't, I can't Beck. You mean the world to me but there is this part of me that just can't give up on this life. What if this is what is meant to happen in writing?" I said as he turned around and looked at me.

His gray eyes flooded with tears violently pouring down his cheeks. The cascading tears left their trail marks on his cheeks. I fought back my own as Beckett got upset and threw a pillow at his bed and then a pencil at the wall. I stumbled my way back to the door and grabbed the handle. Making my way down the stairs to his house, I heard him scream out in anger at the fact I wouldn't give up a part of my self for him. It killed me inside and maybe I was doing the wrong thing. I ran into Katrina and blew her off running out the door and to my car.

I called Ryleigh and talked to her the whole ride home. She reminded me I was kind of uninvited from the tour and I was never asked to tour this time around. I groaned and threw my head back. It seemed as though she was agreeing with Beckett. Maybe it was time to give up my dream of making a difference through music. I sat in the driveway still talking on the phone as dad pulled up beside me. I waved at him through the window as he made a phone gesture with his hand and I nodded signing 'Ryleigh'. He nodded before opening the car door and climbing in doing a high pitched girl scream.

"Hey, Brendon!" Ryleigh said back excitedly.

"Hey kiddo, I need to steal my kid for a moment she'll call you back in a second," Dad said before hanging up my call.