Blinded by Limerence

37 | Lack of Sobriety

Addison

The moment I was sure that Morgan was out of earshot and had left, leaving me and Eric alone, I crossed my arms on the table and smiled at the boy before me. This is it, I thought. This is what I've been training for since Chase left.

Tense and flustered, Eric looked away, a noticeable blush tinted on his cheeks.

"Aw, come on, brown eyes," I mused, exuding confidence, "don't get all shy on me now."

He let out a small chuckle and shook his head. "I-I'm not. It's just that I feel like you have something to tell me."

I swallowed hard, my previous confidence quickly slipping away. "Um," I said, "you're partially right."

He set his gaze on mine and looked at me intently, giving me his full attention. "Alright," he said softly. "Have at it, then."

"So, um," I said, looking away from his mesmerizing eyes. I couldn't shake the feeling of drowning in the brown pools of his eyes, and it was sort of suffocating. My stomach was twisting, heart pounding, my mind in a frenzy... "I... So, uh, you know how I'm the type of person to take initiative, right? Like... I'm not the type to chicken out o-or hide from... stuff?"

"Yeah?" replied Eric, slightly confused.

I heaved a heavy sigh. "O-okay, you know what? I'm just gonna come right out and say it," I stammered. I cleared my throat and stared deep into his brown orbs. "Eric—" I smiled fondly "—I like you. I like you so damn much. I'm just so... infatuated by you, for lack of a better term. You're so cute and nice and charming... refreshing, above all else... l-like a breath of fresh air... I could go on, but, don't worry, I won't. I-I know how quickly you get embarrassed."

In response, the boy stared blankly at me then blinked twice—which really wasn't the reaction I was looking for. His entire face flushed, even the tips of his ears.

Following that, he broke out into a laugh, clutching his stomach as tears formed in his eyes. "Oh, Addie!" he cackled. "You're hilarious."

I felt something burn with rage in the pit of my stomach. Irate, I slammed my hands on the table and stood up, noticeably earning the eyes of everyone in the coffee shop. "How dare you?" I growled lowly. "Here I am, vulnerable and shit, and you're just there laughing at my confession?"

Eric's eyes widened, and half standing up, he put his hands over mine and guided me to sit back down. Anxious, he looked around to make sure the other customers had resumed their meals and/or conversations.

"Look," he began in a low voice, "Adds, you know I'm gay, right?"

My mind stopped functioning then, the cogs of my brain coming to a sudden halt. My hands tensed up, my heartbeat erratic.

My expression completely fell, and it was a dead giveaway to Eric that no, I clearly didn't know that. I dropped my gaze to the table, too embarrassed to even look at the guy.

I couldn't even begin to comprehend the bombshell Eric had dropped. Has it always been that obvious? Yes, Eric's a tad effeminate at times, but that doesn't automatically mean he's gay. It'd be rash to assume so based on that one quality.

Wait... then does that make Killian his lover?

Silver lining is I guess this is a step up from that whole Chase fiasco. It's funny how life plays out, and life just happened to hand me two gay guys I ultimately fell for. Why couldn't I have fallen for any of the guys that came before Chase? They were all eligible bachelors. I just had to like boys who like other boys, huh?

Well, at least I didn't fall for Killian—and I'm not intending to, either. 

Though I knew it was moot, I tried to laugh it off, use the best of my nonexistent acting ability to play it off as a joke: "Ah, duh. Of course I know! I mean, it's freaking obvious!"

Eric didn't look too convinced. With furrowed eyebrows, he reached across the table and placed his hand over mine in a comforting manner. "Are you okay?" he asked, his voice laced with concern.

"Yes!" I exclaimed, but it came out more high-pitched than intended. "I... I got you! Ha! That was just a prank. You should've seen your face."

The boy slowly nodded, clearly still unconvinced. He seemed to understand what I was trying to do, though, because he didn't press further, and thankfully, I didn't have to embarrass myself any longer. 

"Are you sure, then?"

I forced a smile and fought back the urge to crawl into a hole and die. "Yeah, of course," I said without much conviction.

He nodded once more, his eyes inscrutable—full of something I couldn't even begin to fathom. Pity, perhaps?

"Look, Addie, I gotta go," he said, gradually rising from his seat. He tidied up his things and turned to me one last time. "Are... are you sure you'll be okay?" His voice seemed rather restrained. 

I grinned. "Yeah, yeah," I answered, waving him off dismissively. "Go. I'll see you tomorrow at school."

He flashed me a warm smile and nodded before he waved goodbye and walked out of the café.

Once he was gone, I buried my head into my hands, embarrassed as fuck. My heart was full of resentment and regret, and the tears threatened to fall, but I won't let them. I'm strong.

"Gosh," I sobbed silently, "how could I have been so blind?"

|

As I arrived home that night, I stumbled through the front door and struggled to see clearly. 

The house was dark, having all the lights switched off. It felt as if my world was spinning, the floor refusing to stay still. Probably due to my lack of sobriety, it took my all to simply shut the door behind me and collapse on the living room couch.

Suddenly, the living room lights flickered on, and my brother appeared by the staircase, his arms crossed over his chest and a look of dismay painted on his face.

His hair was tousled, clearly having just woken up from sleep. "Have you any idea what time it is?" he asked, irritated, as he walked closer to me. He bent down to examine my intoxicated form then sighed. "You're wasted, aren't you?"

I smiled sheepishly and nodded, earning yet another sigh from the boy.

"Get up," he instructed as he pulled on my arm, simultaneously shaking off the melting snow on my parka. "Go wash up, and go to sleep. We've still got school tomorrow."

I vigorously shook my head then pointed out the window. "It's snowing like crazy out there," I whined. "No way they're not cancelling school."

To that, Archer replied, "Look, that's not the point, okay? Go clean up before mom finds you like this."

Sitting up, I paused for a moment to process Archer's words. "...mom's still here?" I muttered under my breath.

He nodded. "Dad couldn't make it."

"Okay." I slowly stood up—nearly tripping over my own two feet in the process—and smiled at my brother. "I think I'm going to take a warm shower... you know, to sober up."

Archer nodded approvingly, and I shed my winter jacket off and threw it onto the floor as I made my way upstairs to the bathroom.