Letters and Murmurs

Chapter Six: I Mean It

Dad was so excited it was like he was a kid at Christmas. Christmas it was just going to be me, Penny, and Bogart.  Mom would be flying out to be with dad and seeing as I was still not welcomed I would be staying. It would be weird because I didn't ever imagine spending Christmas with anyone then I got adopted and everything changed. It changed not just in my head but in reality. Now I had Kolbi and Beckett in my life too, or maybe I did.

"Come on I got something I want to give you. Since I know it's going to be hard while everyone is gone. I figured you might like to have a party so you can hang out with us a few nights before we all leave." Dad said with a little bit of hope in his voice, we still weren't back to normal again.

"Yeah, it's whatever you want," I went into the house and went straight to the kitchen grabbing a water bottle.

"Alex said he was coming over because he wants to work on something. He also said something about bringing you strings." Dad pointed to me as I walked upstairs giving him a thumbs up.

It sucked because there is this part of me that thought maybe he knew by my face something was wrong. I was so wrong though mom noticed it and I blew her off going in my room and shutting the door quietly. I curled up on my bed with my proper journal and looked at the pictures I had taped in the front few pages.

I looked at the young ones of Ryleigh and I giggling through the tears, the first picture of my dad and mom, a picture of my real family, a picture of Tobias and I at the conference so long ago, finally a picture from my first and second tour. I bit my lip flipping looking at the photos of Jack and I sticking our tongues out remembering Alex taking the picture laughing at how stupid we were being. I remember Rian and me taking serious photos while Zack it was a spontaneous one because he didn't want his photo taken. Ryleigh and I were inseparable so it wasn't hard to not have photos together. There were a few photos of Alex and I but they were pretty dark photos, some of the night sky, and us pointing up at the sky. I flipped to the next page of my drawings and wanted to rip them to shreds.

"Logan! Alex is here!" I heard dad yell for me as I couldn't bring myself to move on my bed.

I looked at the pill bottle on my dresser now and looked at the bathroom. I got up and took the pills from the bottle and counted them out I then shoved them back into the pill bottle just as there was a knock at the door. I shoved the pills into a drawer as Alex entered my room.

"Sup munchkin," He said and threw the new strings at me.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Yes. What's up?" He said sitting in my desk chair spinning himself around.

"Would you give up touring for anyone?" I said and looked at my journal on my bed opened to a drawing I had started but never finished a picture from everyone together.

"I mean I'd never say never. What happened?" Alex asked as I stared down at the open journal.

"Beckett said he'd sign the papers on the apartment and he was getting this new job and I asked about Kolbi and he said I would watch her. I thought maybe, I could still, potentially, try and talk jack and the mangers into going. I just don't want to give up on this dream. I feel like I let Ryleigh down and I just I fucked everything up didn't I?"

Alex let out a long heavy sigh as I wiped my eyes that were completely dry, not a single tear shed yet.

"You know we are less than a week out and you're going to really try and swing your way into a tour, as what? I mean Jack and your dad are splitting your role and you and Ry just do a lot of covers. Logan, I say this because I love you and you're pretty much my sister, I wouldn't try it I don't think right now it would be possible. Jack is still being Jack and I think I'd start there if you did." Alex looked at me grabbing my hands and looked me in the eyes.

"Start with Jack?" I asked it almost like it was a question as Alex nodded.

"You want me to call him to come over and talk maybe even Ri and Zack?" Alex said and let go of my hands sighing knowing I wasn't giving in.

I nodded my head as Alex started a group chat trying to call everyone at once. Rian answers first and said sure. Zack was on a date and unreachable at the moment. Alex left a moaning voicemail on his phone before hanging up. Jack was the last and finally answered on the last ring.

"What up 'Lex?"

"Hey, can you come over Brendon wants to run some tour stuff by us, I'm at his right now. Ri will be over shortly we'll have to fill Merrick in he is probably banging his girlfriend." Alex chuckled as Jack agreed.

"Yeah just make sure the door is unlocked," Jack mentioned before Alex looked at me.

"See you soon Jacky boy," Alex said before hanging up and looking at me.

I hugged Alex which surprised him as he slowly hugged me back. There was nonmute Logan without Alex, Jack, Dad, Rian, Ryleigh, Tyler, Josh, Mom, and so many others. Alex and I walked downstairs opening the front door not too worried because there was the gate.

"I hope we can get this right Logan," Dad said toward me sitting at the piano playing some cover.

"Me too," I said letting out a breath I didn't know I was holding.