How we met

14. Unpretty

Song: Unpretty - TLC

"I do not like Seth Cohen. I mean, I can't like Seth Cohen. He's, like, Seth Cohen!" -Summer(The O.C)

***

"So are you and Shang Ye dating now?" Kristina asks me later that night while we were tucked in our various beds with the lights turned off.

"I don't know," I reply.

"What do you mean you don't know? Didn't he declare that he was interested in you?" Kristina asks sitting up and turning her bedside light. I also sit up. Crossing my legs, I place my pillow on it.

"Well...he did but he hasn't specifically asked me out, shouldn't a guy ask you out before you start dating?"

"Dude do you think you're getting married that he needs to get down on one knee and ask for your hands?" Krsitna says to which I fling my pillow at her face. Chuckling she throws it back at me.

"But for real though, it's obvious he likes you, what are you still worried about?"

"I don't know, we've never met, plus he is freaking Shang Ye! Am I the only one who finds it weird that he likes me?" I ask to which Kristina nods.

"Tian!" I cry out to which she chuckles. "I'm just saying, I mean it is Shang Ye,"She says to which I shake my head and release a sigh.

"But you're right," I reply adding,"Imagine one day Timothée Chalamet appears on your instagram and starts talking to you, flirts with you and declares he is interested in you. Would you believe it?"

Kristina stays silent in thought before shaking her head.

"Nah, that's impossible," She says finally to which I nod.

"Exactly, he is my Timothée equivalent so of course I feel like someone's playing a joke on me," I say.

"The difference is no one is playing a joke on you and while Timothée isn't coming to declare his love for me anytime soon. Shang Ye actually did do that with you," she says in response.

"But it doesn't feel real," I reply.

"That doesn't mean it isn't. It's probably because it seems far fetched now and you still haven't met physically. I'm sure once you do it'll all change," she says.

"But what if he doesn't like me when he meets me?" I ask feeling unsure.

"What? Dude, that's impossible, you're freaking awesome!" She says to which I smile.

"You only say that because you're my bestfriend," I reply.

"Not only, one of the reasons is definitely because you're my best friend. A bestfriend who has always had my back at the worst times. Who cares more about me than herself and is always loving to others even those you don't know. My point is I wouldn't choose anyone else as my bestfriend. Friends like you are hard to find this days. Knowing that I know just how worthy of him you are," She says to which I feel warmth.

"Aww thank you," I say truly touched.

"No need, just speaking facts, plus if he doesn't like the real you then he doesn't deserve you," she says to which I smile but stay silent.

 "What now?" She asks.

"Nothing I'm just wondering...I mean let's say he likes my character but what of my face? What if he doesn't think I look good enough?" I say.

"Excuse you? Who are you and what have you done to my friend?" She says sitting up.

"I mean Hannah where is the lack of confidence coming from?"

Sighing I look down at my hands. "I don't know, I'd like to claim that I think I'm the most gorgeous girl in the world but I'm not, and I do have moments when I don't think I'm gorgeous,"

"Why on earth would you think that?" She asks sounding genuinely flabbergasted.

"I don't know? My eyes? I mean I don't really talk about it, actually I have never talked about it but when people ask me are you talking to me because they can't tell from my eyes. Or look to the right and left thinking I am talking to someone else even when no one is around due to my eyes. I feel bad and loose confidence in myself. Like I am some sort of damaged goods,"

"You're not!" Kristina declares standing up.

"I know I'm not but I have moments where I feel vulnerable. For years I never had a boyfriend and while other reasons as to why may exist I only saw one, my eyes. My point is this, I am not perfect, I also have things that make me ugly to some and beautiful to others. While all that shouldn't matter it does have moments where it gets to me," I say.

"Like now?" She asks.

I nod. "Like now," I say sadly. 

"Let's switch it up for a second here," She says walking over and seating on my bed. "What if you don't like him?" She asks.

"What? Impossible, I love Shang Ye!" I reply.

"Exactly, you love Shang Ye. The alias he uses, the man who is mysterious, the author and scriptwriter whom you've never met but whose books and words you love. You love the character he created but you don't know the real him yet. So, what he's ugly?" She asks.

"Ugly? I didn't even think of that but even if he is I fell in love with his words without knowing his face. Maybe if it was prior to having read his books or getting to know him I'd have cared but one thing I have learnt from his writing is not to care about the face but the heart. What sort of fan would I be if I claimed his books that push for you to see beyond outer beauty but only care about his outer beauty?" I ask.

"Exactly, you are not worried about getting to know him even if he is ugly so why should you be worried about him disliking you when it's obvious he is already head over heels without having seen you?" Kristina, the ever wise psychology student asks.

"Shouldn't you have more faith in your favorite author than thinking he is someone hypocrite who writes books on loving the person not just for the face but does the opposite?" She wisely says.

"He liked you without having seen you, don't you think it's a little insulting to him and yourself to think he is so little minded as to leave you because your eyes are different? Plus Hannah, if you don't love your eyes, how do you expect him to love them?"

"I hate when you play your mind games on me," I say to which she chuckles replying, "You're welcome, that'd be ten dollars," she says hands outstretched. I slap it away and chuckle feeling much better. She's right, he liked the me that I liked the I'm for, if he turns out to be a hypocrite then he is definitely not worthy of me. Plus I wouldn't want to be a fan of such a person.

"You're right, plus my eyes does have it's advantages, like right now, I can see through my squint eyes that you're trying to steal my candy!" I yell leaning forward to grab her hand to which she chuckles saying.

"Goodness days like this I hate your having squint eyes," she says.

"Too bad, I love my eyes for that very reason, the gift of perception," I cheekily reply.

"Exactly!" She says smacking her hands together.

"Keep thinking like that anytime you feel bad about it. Remember it's advantages, not everyone can see, and like me and others without squint eyes not everyone can see different fields of things like you can. In its own way, it's a gift. Always remember that," she says to which I nod in agreement. It was something I was thankful for, my ability to see a broader range of views.

 Hold on- she just...I fling the pillow at her once more as we both laugh out loud. This was why she was who she was, she was a genius at helping to relieve the worries and issues of others but failed when it came to hers. It's always ironic how doctors can treat others but tend to neglect their own self. 

Getting up she takes a step towards her bed and pauses turning to look back at me.

"And sweetheart if a guy loves you just for the beauty of your face then you shouldn't be with him anyways because trust me, the second something happens to that face or someone more beautiful comes along, he'll be gone in a second,"

***

Just got done with finals this week, how has finals been going for those who've had it?