Please Me

One: Professor Dickhead

Confusion and also slight anger overcomes me at the punishment that he just bestowed upon me. He can't be serious.

"Excuse me?" I say with a small laugh.

Tell him, bitch!

"With all due respect, Sir, I think your punishment is completely uncalled for." My words catch his attention, causing for him to turn back around to face me. "It's my first day here, can't you at least cut me a little slack?" Whispers erupt from around the room again. But I just decide to ignore them.

"This is not up for negotiation, Ms. Parks. I have rules and regulations and I expect them to be respected. Now, take a seat in the front row," he says the last part as he gestures towards a desk in the front row that's directly in front of his. Great. Not only am I getting detention, but I have to sit up close and personal to Professor Dickhead for the year.

And a hell of a long year this is going to be.

Reluctantly, I go and sit down in the designated desk that he assigned me to. A strong temptation overcomes me to flip Professor Dickhead off as I slump down in my seat. But I decide against my better judgment not to.

"As we were discussing before Ms. Parks interrupted me," he starts up and I roll my eyes. "Wuthering Heights, one of the greatest pieces of literature in our world today." He moves to pick up a copy of the book from off of his desk before holding it up in the air to show the class. "This semester, we will be reading and analyzing this artwork, as well as writing a major report over the novel at the end of the semester for a majority of your class grade." I hear groans and a few curse words sound from behind me from most of the students. I smirk though.

Wuthering Heights. I've read it before. Many times actually, including other great works like: The Great Gatsby, Pride and Prejudice, Little Women. I guess you could say I was a little bit of a book worm. The word little being an understatement. But I would never tell anyone that.

"Yes, Ms. Jenkins," Mr. Williams says as he points to one of the students behind me. I turn to see who it is, noticing a red headed girl sitting directly in the desk behind mine.

"Isn't Wuthering Heights like really old?" she asks, and a few other students laugh. " I vote that we read something less dated like Twilight or...or Twilight." More laughs sound, and surprisingly, Mr. Williams puts on a smirk as well.

"Twilight is lovely, Ms. Jenkins. But I'm afraid a love story about werewolves and vampires isn't that educational unfortunately," Mr. Williams response back. "I prefer love stories to be more--" Mr. Williams pauses, taking a scan around the room before his eyes finally land on mine. "Taboo."

I scrunch up my face at him.

Seriously, What the fuck?

---

After surviving through first, second, third and fourth period, it's finally my favorite time of the day.

Lunch.

Yeah, that's because you're a fatass.

Ok, conscience, I will literally bitch slap you!

I stand in the lunch line with an empty tray as I eagerly await my food, tapping my foot on the tile floor of the cafeteria impatiently. The line moves and I move along with it, finally reaching the lunch lady to present me with my food. Well, I don't even think I can call it that. The lunch lady with a fishnet and hairy mole directly on her cheek plops what looks to be some type of brown mush onto my plate.

I look between her and the food at least two times over. But I quickly just give her a fake, small smile as she just glares at me with distaste.

What the shit is this? You'd be better off just starving. Shave a few of those pounds off.

Why did I have to get such a bitch of a conscience?

I move to the end of the line where the cashier is once I get the rest of my "food". I look at the sign by the cashier. School Lunch: $5.00.

Are you fucking kidding me?

I dig into my jean pocket, digging for any cash that I can possibly find. But there's nothing.

Ha. So you're a fatass and broke.

I groan.

"Hi," I say to the cashier lady. She doesn't respond, just stares at me with a blank and uninterested expression.

Man, these people must really hate their jobs.

"So, I kind of don't have any--"

"I got it," someone says from next to me, stepping in. I turn to my left, being greeted with the familiar red head from English. Something Jenkins. "It's on me." She gives me a little wink as she hands a five to the lunch lady.

Kiss ass.

Shh, she's just being nice.

"Thank you," I finally find the words to respond. She laughs.

"Don't worry, I've been in your shoes before, and believe me, you don't want to get on Janets bad side." We both turn around to look at the cashier lady, Janet, only to see her with the same blank expression that now that I look at it, is actually quite terrifying.

"I believe you."

I spot one lunch table that's empty on the end, deciding to take residence by sitting there. Redhead follows by sitting across from me.

"I'm Stefy," she tells me her name as she holds out her hand across the table for me to shake it. Hesitantly, I shake her hand.

"Eli," I give her my name right back before detaching my hand from hers.

"I know," she says, and I give her a look. "Well, I mean, I remember from Mr. Williams class. And speaking of Mr. Williams class, I thought it was like totally cool how you stood up to him. Stupid, but cool."

I give her a slight nod and a tight smile.

"Thank...I guess," I respond. "But I was hardly standing up to him. I was just speaking sensibly. What he did was completely uncalled for. I mean, giving me detention just for being a little bit late and on my first day? Really?"

"Oh, I completely agree. Although, if it were any other girl, they wouldn't be complaining."

I tilt my head to the side at her out of confusion as I un screw my water bottle.

"What do you mean, why would anyone want detention?" I ask before taking a sip of my water.

"Um, hello, have you seen Mr. Williams? Being able to spend after school hours with a sex-god like him, sign me up, please. Hell, I'm considering sucker punching you in the face just so I can get a detention slip." I give her a concerned look at her last sentence. "But I won't," she quickly reassures. 

What is this girl on...and where can I get some?

"Right," I respond as if I understand. but I dont. "As appealing as that sounds, there's no way in hell I'm going to that." Stefy gives me a look mix between 'are you fucking crazy' and 'why the fuck not'.

Yeah, why the fuck not, you hoe?

"Are you crazy?" she questions.

"What?" I just question back. "I don't deserve it. And besides, I have better things to do after school then spend time with that dweeb."

What? Like watch reruns of Family Guy? Pathetic.

"Wow. I can't believe you just called Mr. Williams a dweeb."

I shrug my shoulders.

"Yeah, wel... he is."

Stefy laughs and shakes her head in almost disbelief.  But I was sticking by my decision.

"Ok then," she says with a laugh. "But it's your funeral."

---

The song Or Nah just came on, and I've never laughed harder.