ROOMMATE ーchanlix ✓

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[10k special:
Bang Chan]

Guilt. Regret. Sadness. The weight of the negativity held me down like I'm being pushed underwater with no escape for air. It threatened to crush every bit of my existence. What in the fuck have I done?

I was lying on my back, gazing into the nothingness of my room ceiling. Not on my bed, but on my roommate's.

It had been three days, or four, I'm not sure, since I last saw Felix and Minho. Not just Felix, even Minho. My best friend. The precious boy I've been with since day one. I hurt him. The realisation that I fucked up crashed down on me once more, squeezing the air out of my lungs. I turned my head to take note of the time, not that I was able to keep track of it.

1:49 am

Doesn't matter since I'll be skipping tomorrow as well. Was it even a weekday?

I inhaled deeply. The sweet scent of lemon from the sheets was fading away. Felix's scent. I want to grasp it, but I can't. Nothing comes close to having him here. Do I want him here?

I drowned in my thoughts. Memories. Memories of Felix. The way he laughed, his honey-like voice, his sparkling eyes, the heavenly myriad of freckles across his soft, soft cheeks. The way he felt.

Him. Felix.

I held a hand over my chest, grabbing the fabric of my black shirt. Something inside hurt. My heart, it felt crumpled and messed up. Is it the thoughts of Felix, or is it the lack of proper food the past few days? Or maybe it's the excess amount of beer that burnt down my throat since that day.

I turned onto my side, still occupied with whirlwinds of thoughts. Is Minho okay? Where has Felix been? Is he staying with his friends? I shouldn't have been surprised to see almost all his belongings gone. I wonder if he's ever coming back. Did I lose him? Did I lose my happiness, my sunshine? When did he even become that?

I hope Min is okay. I chuckled, remembering the past. Changbin. A year ago, I was madly in love with my boyfriend, Changbin. Only until he demanded I cut Minho out of my life. How could I have left Minho? Never. I couldn't imagine breaking my promise to never leave Minho behind. That one vulnerable boy I befriended at the age of 10. He was so, so lost and so alone. I hated how the older boys bullied him for being too pretty. And I hated how Changbin thought it was right to spread rumours about him because he wanted to get rid of my best friend. Fucking bitch. That was also when we broke up after he tried to beat Minho.

Ah.. From that time I guess I only cause pain to those I'm close to. Minho was almost beaten up. But Felix? He was almost destroyed. All because of me.

I then remembered how I vowed to never, never fall in love again. Never catch feelings. Never let my walls down.

Guess that promise's been broken already.

I turned to lie on my back again, resting one hand on my forehead. I couldn't help but chuckle at myself. I've been running away from this. From the feelings. And I can't no more.

I think I love Felix.

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a;n
i hope you guys liked this special pov :D

Just dropping this here before I yet myself out of the world (I'll be gone for the day so yikes bye my babes)
Strayis i love you ♥︎