I poke at the eggs on my plate, taking small bites out of the bagel while I watch Matty clean the few dishes in the sink. He's quiet as he places them in the rack and empties the dirty water in the sink.
"You gonna eat them or paint your plate with them?" He jokes but I'm not up for any laughs.
"I'm not really hungry." I tell him.
"You sure?"
"I'm pretty sure." I say coming out a little harsher than usual.
"I really am sorry about last night."
"Let's not talk about last night." I say finally taking a spoonful into my mouth.
"Okay." He leans back, crossing his arms across his chest. "Now that you've cooled down are you going home now?"
"Who says I've cooled down? I'm not going over there until he tells me what happened."
"That's perfectly fine." I look up at him through the top of my hand.
He looks so cute standing there in his Dr.Seuss pajamas I want to go over there and kiss him. But I'm mad at him right now and I promised Adam I wouldn't. I know that if I mess up here that will be it and Adam is a big part of my life, so my life would be over.
"What are you looking at?" He asks.
"Nothing." I look back down and try to hide my red cheeks.
"You can't lie to me Joc- I know you more than anyone else." He comes over and sits down next to me, moving my plate away.
"I know that you were staring at me and I know that no matter how much you want to lose your feelings for me you never will. You can't lie to yourself."
"I'm not lying to myself." He leans forward and I move away.
"I won't touch you, I just want to ask a serious question."
"What?" His eyes grip mine, out breath sycronized with each other.
"When you were looking at me over there what were you thinking? How much you despise me or how much you wanted me? Hmm?"
"I was thinking neither."
"Right."
"I wasn't." He grins, sitting back in his chair and stealing a piece of egg off of my plate.
"As much as you want me to believe that, I don't. You're smarter than that Jocy."
"Jocy? You haven't called me that since-"
"Senior year?" We both smile, remembering back on our younger selves, the reckless part of us.
"Yes!" I laugh. "At George's party." The first time we kissed, the first time I felt that my life could be even greater.
I miss us.
"I miss that nickname."
"Jocy. Jocy. Jocy." He drawls. He leans down and places his lips on my ear, causing me to stumble back in my chair.
"Stop." I giggle.
"I love your laugh. It's the only thing in my life I can listen to for hours. You know that?"
"Shut up." I say covering up his mouth with my hand. He puckers his lips and kisses my palm.
"You're not helping my situation."
"You're not helping your situation."
"I don't have to-"
"Yeah you do. You're the one here and you know how easy it is for me to fall for you again-not that I fell out."
