Matty
One month ago
She strides over to me with panic in her eyes and I fight with myself not to kiss her. Instead I ask,
"You okay?" She nods, looking behind her to see something that is gone now.
"Um I'm fine." She mumbles.
"Okay. Did you want to go again?" I ask. She shakes her head.
"No, I just want to sit. Adam is so distraught. Have you seen him?" I roll my eyes.
Here she goes with Adam again. Why hasn't this guy gone home yet? Oh yeh cause she's too afraid to make him leave.
"Eh, he'll be fine." I say shrugging her off.
"I'm gonna go talk to him, okay?" She says and the anger that's been picking at me completely takes over.
"Why? Who cares if he's sad? I don't give shit so you shouldn't." I snap. She pulls away from me.
"Wow." She says.
"What?" I try to grab at her arm again but she pulls away before I can. "Oh so now your pissed at me?"
"No, I'm disappointed. He's still your friend and that's shitty for you to do." She cries, this is absolute bullshit.
"He's not my friend, I don't see how you can't understand that- he beat you and your still crawling to him like some fucking God." Which is absolutely what she's doing and he's just going to hurt her. I don't want her to make the same mistake I forced her to all those years ago. I want her to be happy and he's only going to hurt her.
"I'm not talking about this right now."
"You might as well,"
"Once you are done I'll be outside." She walks away leaving me with my hands in my pockets. I turn around trying not to chase after her because I've done that too many times.
"What's wrong?" I hear my mum say. She grabs on my shoulder and lingers there.
"Nothing."
"Why are you always shutting us out, Matthew? You're gonna have to talk to someone." I rip away for her grasp and rush away to find Joclin, this is crazy we shouldn't be fighting over this prick. All he's ever done was ruin everything. He ruined my parents marriage and now he's ruining my relationship.
I walk over to the table that I saw her slink down into but she's gone. I know exactly where she is, and I shove through the front door.
There not there.
I rush to the back door, getting stopped by Louis who won't stop asking me about a party tonight.
"Yeh, we'll go. Shit."
"You're such an ass, Matt. I bet you can't go one day without being a fucking ass."
"I bet you can't go one day without cursing. You're 15 you shouldn't be talking like that."
"Awe," he grabs my cheeks. "Look at you trying to be a big brother."
"Fuck off, Lou."
"Fuck off, Matt." I feel my phone vibrating in my pocket and I go to take it out. It's from Joclin. I immediately open it.
Jocy: I'm going home, I just
can't be here right now.
My fingers pause on the screen as I look down at the text. What the fuck?
Is this about Adam?
I wait for what seems like hours for her to text back.
I'm just starting to realize
that I don't love you.
Joclin don't say that.
It takes everything I have not to break down in this fucking building. Not to tear away and just fucking break down. I rush back out front, running towards the only car pulling away, my fucking car!
Bye, Matty.
"Joclin!" I hurl myself at the car until I can't run anymore. And even then I keep running, until my feet give out under me.
"Shit!"
I fall back on my ass, pushing my face into my hands.
"What happened?" I hear my mom behind me. "Did she leave?!" She put her hand on my shoulder. "I'm sorry Matt, she seemed happy I don't know why she would leave."
I feel her arms grab around me, pulling me close to her chest.
"Maybe she went back to the house. Take the car back."I nod with pierced eyes.
-
Getting back to the house I almost ram the gate and once inside I hop out of the car and rush inside my "car" is in the drive way but I see no sign of Joclin and then I notice- Adam is gone too. I run upstairs throwing the door to our room open, only to see that everything of hers is gone, and everything in his room is gone too.
"Fuck!" I pull my phone from my pocket and call her, getting her voice mail.
"Come on Jocy...come home."
Two months later
I pull out the last box from my closet and toss it in the hallway. The mattress is up on its side and the room is clear. This has become the pattern for every room in the house beside the kitchen and living room. I stand up and right in front of my eyes sits the blue box and inside sits the ring for the girl I love.
I snatch it from its place and shove it inside one of the boxes and kick that one in the hall as well.
"Fuck you," I say to the room full of her scents, full of her memories, full of Jocy. I step outside and slam the door behind me. Outside it's snowed, a slight sheet covers the front yard and the boxes that have been shoved into the back of Chelsea's boyfriends truck, Chuck.
"You ready?" He asks.
"Yeah, we can just get the rest in the morning." I tell him and scoot into the cab next to Chelsea.
When we reach Chelsea's house I slip out and rush inside.
I head back into the Guest room and throw myself into the mattress. The smell of her is too overwhelming. I know she left me, fuck, I accept it but shit I hate it. I hate not having her here. Thinking about her and feeling my heart crumble in between my finger tips.
Shit, I love her. And her god damn scent is all over everything in this place.
I remember when I found her drunk here, with two empty wine bottles and one emptied out on the rug. She answered the door and even with the smell of sweet wine on her tongue all I could smell was that shitty ass perfume Adam bought her, and the smell of her gum. As much I hate it, it smells so fucking good on her, on her skin, on her finger tips.
"Are you eating tonight?" Chelsea knocks.
"No, I'm ok." I yell back. I hear her huff on the other side of the door and walk away.
Fuck.
