I flex my hand, watching the white fabric between my palm bunch up and shine like scarlet. Adam hands me a piece of tape to tie the rest up, and I do just that.
"You really shouldn't snoop, your horrible at it." He laughs.
"Are we going home now?" He bites at the skin on his lip and turns his back to me.
"What? Did I say something?" I squint.
"I know what you're doing." I'm confused.
"What am I doing?" I lean forward, grabbing a hold of the table.
"Trying to get back to him. You need to get over him." I shake my head and stand completely.
"He didn't try to look from me," I bite my lip. "He didn't tell anyone where I was- he should've even if he got a text from you. I've been gone- for two months and nothing." I clear my throat. " I love you Adam. I love you and only you." I clench my jaw, trying to stay as pleasant as possible as I spew lies at him.
When I look up he's staring at me.
He walks over to me and reaches his hands up to my cheeks and pushes my lips to his. I try not to push away as he moves his hands down to my butt.
"I've been waiting for you to say that." He breathes in between our kiss.
"Let's go home." I breath, uneasy being inside this place.
"Alright let's go." He smiles and takes my hand. When I reach the back door I can smell it, the stale snow. The marvelous white silk and I know today is the day. Today is the day I go home to Matty. He makes his way to the drivers side and I look around to see just how far out of town are we.
The sign in the front yard reads,
"1515 harrow drive."
I don't know where the hell harrow drive is so I slide right in beside him and wait for my opportunity when we reach the city line. He grabs my hand in the console and rubs the palm the way Matty did, after our night in jail. The same way he cradled it when we pulled up to the long driveway that stretched into his parents front yard.
I bite on my lip to stop from crying, but fail. He glances over at me and frowns.
"What?" He asks urgently.
"Nothing," I sniff. Wiping my face with my cut up hand. "It's nothing, I'm just so ready to get back home, you know?"
He nods and leans over to kiss my cheek.
"We'll be home in no time, Love." I nod and wipe the rest of my face clean. He continues to drive and I lean my forehead against the window.
"I'm coming Matty." I say to myself, squeezing my wounded hand.
-
My eyes open the moment I see the large green sign welcoming us back into New York City. The poll sits in front of us and I take this moment to make my move. I go to roll down the window but it's locked. I look over to Adam whose reaching his hand over to my face as everything goes dark.
Everything is hazy when I wake up but I know I'm home, well at least Adam's home. His legs are the first things I see and the rope dangling.
"You're a deceitful little bitch, aren't you?" I stay quiet and focus on the rope biting into my wrist. "I actually believed you. Could you imagine that, I believed every fucking word you said!" I see a bottle of bleach behind the chair he's sitting in and right beside that a knife. I go in full panic then, pulling at my arms.
"Adam what are you doing?" I ask, do using on his pants.
"I'm solving our little problem." He towers over me and starts to wrap the rope around my shoulders.
"Adam no!" I scream, thrashing my body around like a wild pig.
"Please, no. Think of what you're doing! Please!"
"Shut the fuck up!" He yells in my face, kicking my side. "Sorry for the cliché but, if I can't have you- no one will."
I sob into my shoulder and he lifts me up by the front of my shirt and slams me into the chair.
"Adam please." I sob.
"You sound pathetic. You are fucking pathetic."
"You can't kill me- you just can't."
"Well? I'm doing it aren't I?" He picks up the knife and waves it in my face. "You know that's one thing I hated the most about us being together, you telling me what to do and me doing it."
I cry harder, letting my head fall into my lap, until he violently jerks it forward, smashing my head into the back of my chair- hard.
"You don't love me! Say it!"
"I-" before I can speak he interrupts me.
"Say it louder!"
"I don't love you!" I shout back.
"Who do you love?" I stay quiet.
"Joclin, I asked you a question."
"Matty. I love Matty."
"There you go," he grins and comes down, slamming the knife right into my leg. I scream, pushing back in my chair and falling backwards. I try not to look at the blood pooling around me and focus on the ceiling, but Adam kneels before me, hand crawling toward ls my inner thigh.
"What has Matty given you? Hmm? You're going to die because him." I take a deep breath and close my eyes, turning my head away.
"Now, it'll take you about 10 minutes to bleed out. I'll be in the living room." I hear his footsteps retreating away down the hall.
When I open my eyes I'm alone. The blood has reached up to my neck and I can faintly smell it, and I know I'm dying.
I close my eyes again and I hear a knock on the door. I stay still, hearing a second one and then Adam's feet going down the hall.
"Hello?" He screams.
"Yeh, it's - um Matty." My whole body goes stiff- I must be dreaming. I'm dead and this is my last wish. I must be dead, I'm dead.
Adam clears his throat again.
"Who?"
"Matty? Matt Healy." I can see the panic in Adam's eyes even though I don't psychically see him, and then the door opens.
"Yeh, what do you want?"
"I want to see Joclin. You guys have ignored my calls for months. Okay? I get it she needed a break but I'm here and she needs to come home now."
"She's taking a bath- so she's not going anywhere." He lied.
"I'm not going to be fucking nice to you, alright? You've told me you've been out of the state, out the country, and now she's in the fucking bathroom. She's not staying with you one more day, I want her right here in five minutes or I'm beating your ass and taking her myself. "
"Matt, I advise you to go."
"And I advise you to go get Joclin, so that I can go."
"Mat-" I squeal but it's barely audible. I kick myself forward, jamming the knife deeper into my leg. "Matty!" I scream after clearing my throat. This time I know I've got their attention, even if it's just a little bit.
"Joclin?" Matty replies.
"You have to go!" Adam screams.
"Matt, help me!" I hear the door slam open, smashing against something and then glass breaking. The footsteps in the hall get louder until their right outside my door.
"Joclin, you in there?" Matty thunders.
"Matty, hurry." I squeel.
I watch as the door flies open and Matty, crumbles before me, rushing to my side.
