Yoongi's words hang in the air, drifting in the silence which surrounds them. Opening the eyes Yoongi hadn't realized he had closed, he notices a plethora of emotions clouding Hoseok's face. Traces of anxiousness, hesitance, and pity linger on his face which had contoured itself into an expression of horror and shock along with regret.
Yoongi lets out another sign involuntarily because he knows Hoseok's tongue is not aware of the words he wants to hear and he cannot help but feel the crushing sense of disappointment as his hands dig into the rough cement of the roof. His knees scrape slightly as he hoists himself up.
Hoseok sits there dumbfounded and to be honest, Yoongi doesn't find himself too surprised at that. It wasn't like he expected a particular reaction from Hoseok but he also didn't expect the contemplative silence. He had hoped for comforting yet meaningless words but what he received was a far cry from that. In hindsight, his hopes were not a result of rationality but irrational strings he tightly gripped as to not fall away somewhere far away.
"C'mon Seokie, we should head back to the dorm."
Hoseok blinked at him, before nodding abruptly and getting up from where he was crouching mere seconds ago. Yoongi dragged himself to the lift, worn out entirely by his spontaneous confession and crying. He knew his face would be blotchy and his voice would come out hoarse, the subtle ache yet persistent ache in his muscles was beginning to make itself known and the pressure against his skull was only worsening with time. He craved nothing more than death itself but duties bound him into staying alive. So he'd happily settle for the temporary darkness and dreamless state he found himself floating in. The slightly coarse material of his pillow felt a cloud's kiss to him in his current state of mind and he could not wait to immerse himself in the temporary warmth of thin bedsheets.
The next morning was reminiscent of a distant dream, the last night's weariness bled into the morning's gentle warmth leaving a harrowing chill in his bones. How they managed to make it back safely was no short of a miracle since all Yoongi could remember from his blurry vision was bursts of neon lights in an abyss of total darkness.
His whole body ached as it usually did in the early hours of the morning but he steeled through it, as he normally did. A shiver ran down his spine as his feet made contact with the uncarpeted floor, as it usually did due to the winter chill. He glanced over to other members as he usually did, all huddled up against each other, soft snores filling the room. Soft sunlight broke through the curtains, the room painted in a light blue haze. Yoongi let a sigh escape his lips as he usually did when his mind came to register distant traffic and the light humming of some upbeat song playing down the street. It was almost 8, but the schedule was free for that day, and usually, he'd be sleeping like his roommates but an odd twisting in his stomach warned him the day was going to be anything other than usual.
And as he stepped into the living room, his intuition was proved right for Hoseok sat by the table, his head clutched in his hands. With slow, uncertain steps Yoongi approached Hoseok, a timid hand making it's home at the nape of Hoseok's neck. Slightly startled, Hoseok looked up to see Yoongi, who offered him a small smile. Last night was not going to be an easy feat to forget for either of them. Not for Hoseok who had seen the level of vulnerability Yoongi had always hidden nor heard the murkiest words which Yoongi had whispered with heavy puffs of mist trailing them. Not for Yoongi who had never been stripped of his protective walls before this nor actually sought comfort for the ordeal of being completely transparent and holding your bearly beating heart in your hand was terrifying.
"We...we need to talk."
Hoseok's eyes were glazed with concern, fear, and pity as he smiled at Yoongi. A hidden message crinkled in his smile, you don't have to be so strong anymore.
Yoongi nodded merely, sitting down next to him.
"About yesterday..."
Hoseok's voice trailed off as his gaze shifted to the windows, searching for the correct words to say as if Yoongi were nothing but a fragile house of cards, waiting to be destructed by a surge of wind.
"Yesterday was tiring."
Yoongi's hoarse voice surprised him, perhaps he had cried more than he thought he had. Hoseok turned to meet his eyes, only for a moment before nodding and letting out a breathless laugh.
"Tiring? I feel like my soul has been sucked out of my body, and I dance for normally 7 hours a day."
It was meant to be a joke but the sudden ache in Yoongi's chest restricted him from laughing. He let out a small smile to let Hoseok know the attempt to lighten the mood was appreciated. With his voice wavering, Yoongi continued.
"Can we...pretend that yesterday didn't happen?"
Hoseok's widened eyes and the confusion forming in his face was enough to prompt Yoongi to continue.
"It was unfair of me to put you in that position and it's just...it's been hard- all this pressure and expectations and my own thoughts don't make it better, " Yoongi let out a small sigh before continuing, "but, but- I'll be fine. And-"
"I don't understand."
"It's just, it's odd for me to say everything I'm feeling and-"
"And that's okay, hyung. You don't have to share everything, I just want to help you, you don't have to be alone and you don't have to always be strong."
"I...I know, Hoseok, but that liberty- it's not meant for me. Vulnerability is hard for me, plus, it isn't even such a big deal-"
"Not a big deal? Not a BIG DEAL? Yoongi, yesterday, you were shattered like-like some broken mirror. You always say that you're fine, but you aren't, hyung. Ans you always have this air of a martyr around you which I just don't understand- what's the point? The point of taking all the pain and hiding your burdens and shielding yourself away from everyone else-"
"Hoseok, calm down. Let's think about this calmly."
"Hyung, look, all I'm saying is you don't have to take it all in. You don't have to go to war alone, you don't have to walk all alone on this lonely path. We care about hyung, and you never walk alone hyung, not as long as anyone of us is still here."
The lump forming in Yoongi's throat warned him about the dam in his eyes was about to burst. In the few moments of silence haunting both of them, Yoongi managed to choke out a response.
"Please, please...let's just talk about this later- yeah?"
And before Hoseok could reply, Yoongi entrapped himself in the hidden corner in the kitchen. The tile of the kitchen floor was cold against his flushed body, his knees close to his chest as he took deep breathes to steady himself. His composure was cracking again, and Yoongi could not afford to let his walls crumble so easily. Not after he'd spent years hiding behind them- not after he had lurked in the damp corners for so long, hidden behind the silhouette of his own shadow.
Through his blurry vision, he peaked up to peer at the window. Bright sunshine lit up half the kitchen, and although Yoongi was freezing in the bitter winter of his own mind; he could not bring himself to reach out to the warmth of the spring approaching.
hello! it's been so long, and im so sorry i disappeared- things have gotten hectic and im stuck between exams. this chapter is a quick one so im sorry if there were any mistakes or if it wasn't the one you guys were hoping for. but don't worry- things will get better for our yoongles. thanks for reading so much guys, i love all of you! also if you ever feel lonely or sad or like yoongi, don't be afraid to talk to me!
also has anyone seen ossan's love? any bl recs like that?
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quiet ➫ yoongi-centric
Fanfictionhis eyes are glazed over, bloodshot, as if he were crying for a long time. his lips are bitten and swollen; a deep red as if painted with blood. he wants them to ask if he is okay, he wants them to take him in their arms and protect him from the wo...
