❝ so NOW i RISK it ALL,
just for the FEELING of JOY
you BRING me ❞
[ bill denbrough x oc ] [it 2017]
-
in which the sunshine girl of derry
offers six boys and one girl a friendship bracelet each,
ending up in a mess of a friendship and summer of...
APRIL HAD GOTTEN HOME IN A FRENZY, tears streaming down her cheeks as she sniffled and untied her shoes, pulling them off and ignoring her parents worried calls to her as she stomped up the stairs of the house and into her bedroom. She swore she had never felt so broken, so alone. By golly, she had gotten so used to not being alone!
The moment she entered her bedroom, slamming her door as she let out a choked sob, hand flying to cover her mouth as she slides down her door, sitting herself down on the carpeted floor and beginning to cry into her knees. He had only invited her to hangout because he felt bad! He felt bad! What was she? Some sort of charity case? If even the 'Losers' of Derry didn't want her, who would?
She let the tears drip down her cheeks, onto her kneecaps and onto the carpet as she continued to sob. Her heart aching as she hurriedly stood up, rushing to her bed and hiding underneath her blanket, her breathing shallow as she sucks in a breath — it was the type of cry where no sound would come out. Everything hurt.
Not just because of Bill, not just because of the boy she began to love, not just because of him, no. Because, she was back. All alone in her bedroom. Just her and her bracelets to keep her company and after experiencing the short moments with the Losers, she never wanted to go back. And, yet, here she was.
Her entire body ached, from running, the shouting, the tears, the fighting. It all hurt so bad and she didn't know what to do, curled into a ball underneath her blankets as her hair stuck to her face from her salty tears. She hadn't even bothered to hear the sound of a soft knock on her door.
Josephine Ambrose was always one to take notice of her children's feelings. No matter what. Even when they smiled before it all. It was rare to ever see April cry. She was the type to bottle everything up before bursting. She either felt nothing but happiness or anything but. She felt in extremities and that was her downfall.
"April?" Josephine asks through the door, hearing sniffles and ruffling of blankets from behind it. No response. "April? What's wrong, sweetheart?" She repeats, before softly twisting the doorknob — pushing open the door slowly to find her daughter tucked in her blankets with her hair messy and eyes red.
She sighs, unsure what to do as she walked towards the bed, sitting at the edge before laying down next to her. "What's wrong, baby?" She asks softly, April shutting her eyes and lip quivering. Josephine felt her heart shatter at the sight. Whatever happened wasn't good, that was clear enough.
"It's nothing!" April cries, her head lolling on the bed dramatically as she begins to wipe at her face, swatting the tears away and letting them drip off her face and onto the mattress. She had never been so hurt.
Breathing out, Josephine runs a hand through her daughters messy hair. "April, it's not nothing," She says, watching as April turns away so she isn't facing her anymore.
Shaking her head, April breathes in shakily. Struggling to get words out. "I-I don't want to talk about it," She whispers, her hands grabbing hold of the plush rabbit she had sitting by her pillow and hugging it to her body. "I don't wanna," She whispers again, lip quivering as the moment replays in her head.
How could he! How could he! Everything in her hurt, he hurt her so badly. His words cutting into her. Pity. That's what all this was. Nothing but pity. April was one to take things with grace but this, this just sent her off the rails, feeling the need to stomp her feet and kick at walls, screeching and wailing until the world fell silent for her and only her.
She was upset, alright! So sad she could cry a river of tears and so angry she could light the cinders of hell ablaze. Her body shaking as she gripped tightly onto her plush rabbit, holding it to her chest as she weeped. "I don't want to talk," She repeats, praying her mom would go away. Just for a second, just a moment. She needed to calm down before she could even try to speak.
Understanding, Josephine nods. Kissing her forehead before standing up and walking to the bedroom door. With her hand on the doorknob, she looks back to April once more, curled in her blankets. "Just come down when you want to, baby. If you do, okay?" She says, April mumbling a soft, nearly inaudible, 'Okay' before she leaves the room.
Everything in April was screaming that she was an idiot! A fool! How stupid could she get! She had fallen into him so quickly it made her sick. She felt sick. Sick to her stomach, her throat tight. She hated herself for acting out like this — she never did. It wasn't in her character. Another part of herself hated that all her mind could wander to was him.
His messy hair, his eyes, his stutter, his laugh, his lips — stop it! She practically slapped herself, pulling her hands away from her rabbit and slapping her arm at her minds adventure. Far too far. She had to stop. Life wasn't a fairytale, why didn't she understand that? He wasn't going to be her happily ever after. She'd never get one of those because they aren't real. The clown was real, the horrors they faced were real. But, fairytales and happy endings? They weren't and she just needed to accept that.
Her stomach churned at the thought of him, her vision blurry as she struggles to pull words together in her head other than 'stupid', 'stupid', 'stupid'. She was stupid! Friends? Her? April Ambrose? Impossible. No one would ever want to be her friend.
It's going to be her and her bracelets all over again. Just like it's always been. April Ambrose all alone and her beads and bracelets. Just like it should be. And, so, she shuts her eyes, trapping the last of her tears in as she sucks in a breath. 'Take it with grace.'.
