Countryhumans One-shots!

Germany || Indelible ink

This is a solo story with Germany as protagonist.

Warnings: kind of depressing, angst, poor Germany needs a hug

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I can't do this anymore.

No matter how hard I try, no matter how badly I want it to stop.

There's a demon dwelling inside of me. I always see its sick twisted grin every time I close my eyes. I imagine its long sharp nails, covered in black and red, tearing my tender flesh apart, its knife-like sharp teeth sinking into my heart while it's still beating. I imagine it looking down at my pitiful form, its evil piercing gaze. Its glowing red eyes staring down at me as I helplessly lay on the ground, squeaking and whining, waiting for the monster to finally hurtle towards me and end my pathetic life.

But no.

It doesn't move.

It just stares at me, it watches as blood freezes inside my veins, it watches as I beg it to stop haunting me. 

Why don't you just finish your job?

Why don't you just end me?

I really don't know whether I'd like it to just do what it's supposed to or let me live. I can't stand my own presence, I hate the reflex in the mirror - it's way too similar to the demon's, I hate waking up in the morning knowing that it's this stupid useless body I am forced to live with.

On the other side, I crave redemption. Deep down inside of me, I wish to be able to look at myself I finally say my life is worth living. 

It's mere instinct. Every living creature yearns for a way to continue existing, it doesn't matter how hard life is. Everyone is scared of dying. Everyone is scared of being forgotten. Everyone is scared that in the exact moment we close our eyelids we will have to face all of those demons whose only delight is seeing our sorrow. Everyone is scared that the very sorrow that accompanied us through the struggles of a mortal life will transform into a devil and be our guardian and tormentor during our stay in Hell. 

This panic-inducing thing is still looking at me, patently waiting for me to surrender.

I want to surrender.

I don't.

I want to live.

I want to stop the pain.

I want to smile.

I want to die.

I don't.

I do.

Kill me.

Let me live.

No.

No.