Change (Published under The Change For Her)

Twenty

"It's been eight years but the pain feels like it happened just not so long ago." My mother said as she places dad's favorite color rose on his stone. He always loved yellow roses because it represents joy. My father used to give me a yellow rose every Valentine's Day and always told me that I'm his joyful angel.

    I wipe the tear that escaped from the memory. "Yeah, really doesn't feel like that it happened eight years ago," I respond trying to contain myself from not bursting into tears. I bend down to clean up the weeds growing around his stone. "I-I miss him so much, mama," I tell her as my voice cracks a little.

    My mom walks closer to me and bends down to hold me. "I know you do," She softly says to me while combing her fingers through my hair. "Look at me." She tells me when she hears me whimper with tears slowly going down my cheeks onto her shoulder.

    I lift my head, wiping the tears off with the sleeve of my jacket. I turn to look at her, she holds my face in her hands. "I know it hurts, trust me even after all these years it kills me that he's gone." She runs her thumb across my cheek even though there are tears running down hers. "Your father wouldn't want us like this because he's still with us. He's watching us getting stronger. He's watching you getting older, smarter, working your way up to achieve your dreams. Most importantly watching you get more beautiful each day." She continues as I try to calm myself. "He loves you so much, Chloe. You mean the world to him. You're his Joyful Angel, forever and always." She adds before kissing my temple.

    She stands up, dusts off her dress before extending her hand out for me to take, "Come on, let's go home." She said to me with a weak smile. I take ahold of her hand, as I get off the ground. She laced our fingers together while we walk back to her vehicle, where Liam's standing waiting for us with a cigarette between his lips.

    I never saw him smoke until we got here, so it makes me more curious about this man. I make my way to the passenger side, where Liam has opened the door for me after getting rid of the deadly thing he was inhaling. When my mom and him get inside, she starts up the vehicle to make our way back to the house.

***********

    As soon as my mom parked her car in the driveway I jump out of it, sped to the front door to unlock it quickly so I can hide in my room. I rush up the stairs, shut my bedroom door right when I get inside. Make my way to my speakers to put on the playlist of songs my father loved so much, mixed with ones that remind me of him as well.

    Right, when I clicked shuffle The Fray fills the room. I recognized it instantly, Look After You. I weakly smile as I feel the tears begin to reappear. My dad always told me that this song made him think of mom. I make my way to grab an old beat-up box setting on the shelf in my closet.

    I sat down on my white rug, took the lid off and start looking through everything I kept hidden. Everything I had left of my father. Photos of us, old birthday and Valentine's cards. I flip through the photos and some of them I couldn't help but giggle at. Like the one from my 5th birthday where I smoosh icing on his face, the next one was him holding me up before splashing me into the water. We were in a creek, I look about 6 years old.

    Tears start escaping so fast, I couldn't hold it in any longer as Carrie Underwood's song See You Again starts playing. I continued looking through the photos. I picked up the last birthday card he ever gave me. I started to read it, while my tears dripped onto it.

"My Joyful Angel,

    I can't believe how big you have gotten. You're supposed to be my little girl forever. Now you're about to start 5th grade, next will be Middle School. I love you so much, angel. I can't wait to see what the future holds for you. Happy 10th Birthday sweetheart.

Love, Dad"

    "Chlo," I hear a soft voice say as they enter my room. I lift my head up to see Liam looking at me with concern in his eyes. He walks over and sits next to me, wrapped his arms around me to pull me into him. I lay my head against his shoulder. "He didn't deserve to die the way he did," I say lowly.

    I pull myself away from him, to put the card back in the box. As I set it down a picture caught my eye, I picked it up to admire it. The imagine was my dad and I standing on the church stage singing. "How old were you?" Liam asks me, referring to little me in the photo.

    "I was about 5," I answer while my eyes start to water again. "He died in a church fire." I begin to say, something in me just wanted to tell him right here, right now. For some reason, I feel like I can trust Liam, even though he's a big mystery to me. "He didn't mean to cause the fire, it was an accident." I took a deep breath to calm myself. I feel Liam scoot closer to me, as he rubs my arm.

    "Hey," He places his other hand under my chin to get me to look at him. "You don't have to tell me if you're not ready." He tells me, his eyes were on mine and it scares me because I know he can see how broken I am at this moment. How torn apart I am with the memory playing in my mind as I begin to share it with him.

    I shake my head to remove his hand off my face. "No, no I want to tell you." I close my eyes, trying to steady my nerves as I continue where I left off. "My dad had a lot of medical problems. The most serious one he had was a heart defect. He was born with it. I didn't know he had heart problems until he passed away." 

    Lowering my head, opening my eyes just to look down at the photo that's still in my hands. "After he passed away, the whole town turned against us. Mine and my mother's life became a nightmare. We are constantly bullied, I'm now known as 'Preachers Murderous Daughter'." I cringe as my town nickname left my mouth. I feel Luke tighten his grip on my arm.

    I raise my head to look up at him. I"m trying my hardest not to burst into tears again. "I was 10 years old, Liam. I was only 10 years old when my father died." The tears start escaping. "No little girl should lose her father when they're that young."

    Right as the tears fall faster down my cheeks; I feel Liam magically swift me onto his lap, wrapping his arms around my waist. He pulls me into him so my head is against his chest. "Shh," He whispers as he buries his head into my hair.

    I close my eyes, taking in his scent. I can smell the smoke of cigarettes he inhaled today, mixed with a really good cologne. I calm myself by memorizing the way he smells, the way he made me feel by drawing shapes on my arm with the palm of his thumb. I can hear how calm Liam's heart beating against his chest. Soon my nerves are no longer partying, my tears finally have gone away, my breathing now slow and steady; as my mind focusing on something else besides my history.