✓ [18+] WHEN YOU SAY NOTHING AT ALL

XXXVIII. Well, I Wasn't Expecting That

I'm not surprised though. He'd been asking me if something was wrong but I kept telling him everything was fine and changing the subject. I didn't want him knowing what was going on with me out of fear he'd run away once I told him. Maybe he's planning on it already by the way he's acting all shady. Well I guess there's no better time than now to talk about it and I might as well get this conversation over with.

"So what if it is? Am I not allowed to be upset about it?" I try to hide my emotions but it's not working. My eyes begin to burn as tears form in my eyes. Carter looks down at me with a frown as he reaches for me but I quickly jerk away. I don't want to be held right now. Not by him, not until I get this all off my chest.

"But honestly what does it matter? I'm probably never going to have that so I've given up on it," I shrug, trying not to cry but I can feel the tears falling. I know I'm most likely overreacting about all of this but I don't even care. He wanted to know what has been on my mind so I'm letting him have it.

"So you're just giving up on it? On marriage, children? I don't believe that Hev. You've wanted this for too long to just give up," he looks at me, stepping closer.

"I don't have a choice. I have to," I cry and I'm finding it hard to breathe. I grasp the door frame for support as I look up into his wounded green eyes.

"What do you mean you don't have a choice? No one is making you give that up Heather," he asks with confusion. He's so close to me now, I can feel the desperation to know what's wrong coming off his body. His hands are balled up at his sides with yearning as his body is desperate to touch me. Needing the physical reassurance that everything is fine.

"I have to, because I'd rather give all that up than lose you forever Carter!" I shout through my tears and he looks at me thoroughly appalled.

"Heather what the hell are you talking about? Why the hell would you lose me because you want to get married and have kids?" he gently puts his hands on my arms, holding me in place. His hands are shaking in fear at my words. Is he thinking this is us breaking up?

"Because you don't want the same things as me Carter. You've never mentioned it, not once. And I'm not going to make you do it. I already tried making one man do it and look how that ended," I sob, putting my face in my hands.

Carter grabs my face, making me look up into his eyes. I see hurt and aggravation in them. I've upset him with my words. My heart aches at the confliction    on his face. Is he going to leave me now after what I said? I don't want to lose him but I won't beg him to stay. I refuse to go through once more what I did with Bryan. Even though this would be a million times worse since I'm desperately in love with Carter.

"Just because I didn't mention it out loud Heather, doesn't automatically mean I don't want it. Also, I'm not your ex, I'm not Bryan. Haven't I already proved that to you? What more do I have to do to prove that Hev? What do I have to do to prove that I love you more than anything in this world? That you're my future," he asks and I can't answer him. Instead I lay my forehead against his chest and sob.

"I don't know Carter. I'm such a fucking mess and if you stick around you'll realize that even more. Plus, who would want to be married to someone like me?" I cry into his chest, gripping at the front of his work shirt.

"I do Heather, I want to be married to you baby," he speaks clearly. I look up at him and I can tell by the look in his eyes that he's 100% serious. I'm taken back and nearly choke on my saliva. I can't believe he just said those words.