Our Broken World

Chapter 27

I'm so shaken that it takes me a moment to realize whose blood it is. It's not mine, it's his. He stumbles back and let's go of the gun, so I'm holding it alone now.

Blood is quickly spreading across his stomach and wetting his clothes. As he grabs his abdomen, he drops to his knees and then to the floor. He groans a little and then goes limp, his eyes still open.

He's dead, I realize. I killed him, it hits me. I'm a killer. As I comprehend that, my mouth falls open and then I hit the wall behind me, still holding the gun. I can feel tears gathering in my eyes and my throat going dry.

I know he was going to hurt me and I was only defending myself, but it doesn't make the action any more okay or acceptable. I planned to just harm him enough so I could escape him. Instead, I ended up killing him. I've never taken a human life before and it makes me feel like I'm a horrible person. Even if it was the life of a terrible man who attacked me, and even if I did it in self-defense. I still killed him. Nothing will ever change that.

My back pressed against the wall, I crumple to the floor. Tears are starting to escape my eyes and no matter how hard I try, I can't hold them in. I feel awful, both because I am now a murderer and because of what I went through before I became that. 

The gun is still in my hand, but it's hanging from it loosely. I'm not really aware of my surroundings or what is happening in them. And I'm not even close to thinking about what I should do in this moment; I just sit there, on the floor, like a heap of misery. Thank God I see Dylan closing in on me in the corner of my eye.

He runs to me and crouches down next to me. He looks me up and down, then he looks at Jonah's body, and then into my empty eyes. 

''Taya, are you okay? What happened?'' He asks with horror in his eyes. The scene shocked him, I can see that.

''I killed him. I'm sorry,'' I say, tears starting to run down my cheeks.

He looks over at Jonah's lifeless body again and then back at me.

''He was attacking me, trying to ... He said he'd finish what he started when we met. He wanted to ... rape me ... and kill me. And I grabbed his gun and it went off,'' I explain with difficulty. 

''I killed him. I'm sorry. He was your brother. I killed your brother,'' I mumble, crying.

''No,'' Dylan says with pain and hurt in his eyes. ''He stopped being my brother the moment he tried to hurt you again. You were just defending yourself. It wasn't your fault. Any of it,'' He tries to reassure me, probably referring both to Jonah's attempt to assault me and my killing him.

He gently takes the gun out of my hand and tenderly strokes my cheek.

''Are you okay? Did he ...'' He asks with a whisper. It's a painful whisper.

I nod to show him that I'm okay even though I'm not, but I don't want him to worry. Then I shake my head to let him know Jonah didn't get that far. I wipe away my tears and say: ''I'm fine. We need to go. We need to find Mikey.''

He helps me get up and I look at Jonah's body once more. What happened here will also need to stay here for the moment.

I turn around and say: ''Let's go. I know where they hold the fights.''

I want to run to the main street, but he holds my hand firmly, stopping me. 

''Taya, wait,'' He says. He steps closer to me, looks into my eyes with the most loving gaze I've ever seen and says: ''I know you're not fine. And that's okay. What you just went through ... it's okay to feel whatever you're feeling. Just know that I'm here. I'm right here. I always will be.''