Golden Pen Reviews (CLOSED)

The Second Life: Battle For Manhattan

Title: The Second Life: Battle For Manhattan
Author: Awe_Da_City

Description:
When one group of friends were separated in a zombie apocalypse, they tried to find each other for three whole months.

     Evan is confiding in Colt, and the group plans to take the city of Manhattan by force to ensure a peaceful future.

     The SPEC Team, along with Nick and the sisters Aniya and Kemora, are on their way to Battery Park, ready to defend their sovereignty and prevent a war.

     The battered Brooklyn Front, headed by Orion and Skippy, are taking refuge in a tower on the coast of Manhattan.

     Brooklyn and Queens have been burnt to ashes, as a result of The Battle Of Brooklyn Bridge.

     The Battle of Manhattan is inevitable, and the future is uncertain.
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Your title lets us know what we're in for. Having read the first book, I am able to understand who is likely to be involved in this battle, and I leave this title wondering what the fate of the characters will be. Your title is quite gripping, and will definitely draw readers into this second installment.

The only issue I found with your title is that 'for' shouldn't be capitalized here. It would only be capitalized in a book's title if it were the first word. :)

If that title didn't do it for readers, the summary will certainly snag their attention.

You do a nice job of giving us a recap of your characters' situations, but you avoid giving readers an overwhelming play-by-play analysis. I think this was done quite well, especially with the inevitable threat of battle thrown in at the end. It leaves us with the same questions as the title. Who will win this battle, and who will be sacrificed in the process?

I can't find any obvious grammatical errors in your summary, and the word choice is quite good. It has a nice flow, and I think it's doing its job nicely.

I think your plot knows where its going, too. You do a nice job of focusing on Ronnie and his friends, like you did in the previous book, but you still manage to switch things up by adding in new POVs. I think you keep a good balance by doing so, as none of the characters get lost in the shuffle.

I am, for the sake of anyone who's looking to read this, going to try avoiding spoilers in the review of your plot.

This book effectively managed to bring me enjoyment, yet at the same time it angered me pretty significantly at times.

I found myself despising Colt, while hoping that Evan would come to his senses and choose the right side. I was quite disappointed when Evan instead went with the flow, taking part in the destruction associated with Colt's agenda. At the same time, when it was revealed that one of Colt's guards took time to help Orion, I couldn't help hoping that it was Evan.

Aside from that, the action scenes throughout felt quite realistic, and seemed to be moving at an appropriate pace. Each one was quite suspenseful, serving its purpose in the story quite well.

I was also a huge fan of the hotel scene in Chapter 14. The way in which you explained what was happening to Ronnie here really caught my attention.

"You're taking a break." He replies. "Halftime."

I appreciate the laid-bac nature of Ronnie's companion's explanation, but at the same time I know Ronnie's situation is quite grave at this point. I think you did a nice job with this scene, and it felt quite unique to me.

One thing I will say about your plot is, between chapters 12 and 13 (or before Chapter 12), I would have liked to have seen a firsthand POV of what the initial attack on Battery was like. Through both books, we never get Kjrsten's point of view, and I would have quite liked to get it here. We get the POVs of the other leaders, though never hers.

I'm not sure if I'm partial to this because I found her to be likable, but I definitely think including her viewpoint on the initial battle, before SPEC returned, could add to the intensity of your story.

Your grammar in this installment is also quite good. You have errors, as is expected with any first draft, but they don't get in readers' way. You can edit whenever you finish the story, and I don't think any grammatical problems will impact readers in the meantime.

Another thing I want to comment on is the character development in this book. By the end of the first one, Ronnie was my designated favorite character. By this point in the second book, I still see him as my favorite, but a lot of the others have grown on me as well. I'm a lover of complex characters, and quite a few of yours fit the description. :)

Would I recommend this story? Yes, I would. I think it fits the same audience as book one, and will keep readers as interested as the first installment did.

OVERALL SCORE: 96/100