Golden Pen Reviews (CLOSED)

Love Defied

Title: Love Defied
Author: tracisek

Description:
~3rd place in the solstice awards!~

Going against the rules of his culture, the rules enforced by his parents, Anderson is forced to make a choice. A choice he hates. Will he accept his choice under the circumstances or will he defy his parents and beliefs for the one who's captured his heart?

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I'll start with first impressions here. Your title is a bit mysterious, and it makes me want to know more about the love that is being defied. It isn't an off-the-wall title, but it stands out to me. The summary is brief enough that it gets the point across, and gives us a snapshot of Anderson. However, a lot of the story is told through the point of view of Gracie. I can't help noticing that Gracie doesn't get much of a mention here, other than being the girl at the end of the summary. Perhaps mention a bit about Gracie's emotions and hardships before focusing this bit on Anderson?

I think the pacing of your book is quite nice, and nothing seems to be going too quickly or dragging out forever. You seem to know where the plot is going, and so as readers we're able to follow the path as well.

As for your characters, I do have some concerns. Mainly, my concern is with Aliyah. We know Anderson married her, even though she and he appear to have no real feelings for one another. In fact, they seem to hate each other. I think you explain part of this nicely, in revealing the traditions of their parents, but by the fifteenth chapter we still don't know why Aliyah is so hateful and venomous. I'm all for evil characters, but there should be a reason for it. What happened to her to make her act this way? Is she burying a sympathetic side somewhere? Admittedly, you might reveal it later, but I think you should at least give us some clues before this point in the book.

Another thing I noticed revolves around your language. At one point, you wrote: "... closed the door shut" or something along those lines. If you would like, I would be happy to go back and find the exact placement of this. When you tell us that the door has been closed, then we instinctively know that it has been shut. In this case, a little bit less is more. Give the readers a little room to imagine things like this, but give enough detail so we know what actions are taking place.

Overall, I think you've got a well-established plotline and an interesting book. Making a few adjustments with explanations of Aliyah's behavior, and making some quick revisions with the slightly repetitive language could definitely take your story to the next step.

Would I recommend this story? Yes, I would.

OVERALL SCORE: 87/100