Golden Pen Reviews (CLOSED)

Black Hollow

Title: Black Hollow
Author: MyriaCandies

Description:
James Brown a man with nothing who suddenly gains everything.. Before it is taken away once more. Strange things tend to happen when he meets the beautiful and alluring Elene who brings him to her estate; Black Hollow. As his stay extends ominous happenings leaves James to slowly question his sanity.
------

Your title is a setting name, and I appreciate the instant connection it makes to the storyline. It's short, making it easy to remember, but it's association with the location and its eerie nature make it stand out to potential readers.

Your summary is also fascinating. It's dark, and leaves us wondering ... what is going to happen to James? Will he make it out alive?

There are some grammatical mistakes in your summary, though, and that takes away from it a little bit. These errors include (but are not limited to) a missing comma after James's name, and the plural use of leaves when the singular leave is called for. While your summary is very gripping, I would suggest picking through these errors and getting them sorted. That way, readers have an even more pleasant experience.

I love the plot of this story, and how very eerie it is. You've paced the story so that tension gradually builds up, and when things begin to be exposed, readers are captured by a gripping reveal.

I also like how you switch from James's to Elene's point of view. While I didn't have an issue with it, some readers may struggle to follow along with whose POV it is. To clear this up easily, include the POV character's name in all of their chapters. For example, chapter one is James's point of view, so after the number, include his first name. This works wonders for stories with multiple viewpoints, as it quickly tells us that the perspective has been changed.

Your descriptions are captivating, and one of my favorite parts of the story. Scenes are pictured with vivid clarity, making me feel like I'm in the moment. At many points in the book, this adds to the creepy undertone of the scenes. This is particularly noticeable in the cemetery scene, which was probably my favorite description so far.

Your grammar is intriguing. You use 'I' a lot where, in modern day, we would use 'me'. However, I'm not going to fault you on that, because it seems fitting for a historical fiction novel. This different use of language seems to fit the style of the 1800's, and since it's written in first person, I think it should remain as is.

You have a few punctuation errors that I've picked up on, though nothing that a good edit won't easily fix. The flow of your sentences is relatively good, and I think this is fairly easy for readers to follow.

Overall, this is an eerie story filled with suspense, which is easy enough to get immersed in.

Would I recommend this story? Yes. While it's a historical fiction, and I know those aren't terribly popular here, I think it crosses genres enough that a lot of readers would find it to be interesting.

OVERALL SCORE: 94/100