A/n: this was inspired by the song turning out by AJR and I'm thinking about making a part 2 so lmk if you guys would like that. Also lmk if you guys caught my subtle Chris D'elia reference.
Billy had been holding you in his arms for hours now, he was afraid that if he let you go , you might disappear or that he'd wake up and this would all have been a dream. Billy thought what he had been feeling for the past 5 months was love. He had never experienced true, real love before, he didn't know what it felt like. If he were being honest with himself he was confused.
You had told him that you loved him a month ago. He said it back but, there had been a nagging voice in his head saying 'Do you really love her?'. He didn't know. He thought he did, he had been feeling what books or movies described as love. He had butterflies in his stomach when he saw you, he was nervous when he asked you out.
You guys had started out as friends, he began to feel something for you and he thought this feeling was romantic. He decided to test the waters with you, now you guys have been dating for 5 months. It felt weird to him, he didn't feel like was ready for this. He missed a lot of what he was able to do while he was single.
If being in love felt like constant stress and anxiety for 5 months then, he was in love. Your realationship wasn't toxic, that's not why he was stressed. He was stressed because after your 6 month anniversary he started to become more on edge. He realized he didn't love you. He was scared that you would find out, it ate at him inside.
He would've broken up with you but, you told him that you loved him and he said it back. The only reason he hadn't broken up with you was because he needed a different reason. He couldn't say that he never loved you even though he had said it to you. He was waiting for you to fuck up somehow. He wanted you to cheat on him or something. It got to the point where you could've bought orange juice with pulp and he would've ended things.
But you didn't. You had been the most perfect girlfriend he could've asked for. You would do anything for him. He told you that he was gonna go to Tammy's house and you trusted him not to do anything with Tammy. He never went, but, still it killed him.
You guys were at your house one night. He was bouncing his leg up and down. You could feel his anxiety.
"Hey Billy, are you okay?" You scooched closer to him, you wrapped an arm around him but he shrugged it away.
"We need to break up." He turned to look at you, he hadn't been planning on doing this tonight. The words just fell out of his mouth. Your eyes were big, quickly filling to the brim with tears.
"What?" You were shocked. The past 7 months had been great, you were happy and you thought he was happy too.
"I'm so sorry sweetheart." Tears were streaming down your face.
"Why? I thought things were good." You couldn't figure out why he would break up with you.
"I just can't be in a relationship right now..." You wiped your tears away with your hands.
"I think you need to go Billy." He quietly got up and left. You sat there crying your eyes out on your couch. Eventually you fell asleep.
You woke up the next day, your face was still stained with tears. You were still wearing your jeans from yesterday. Your phone rang 3 times before you went to answer it. You hoped it was Billy calling to say that he wanted you back.
"Hello?" Your voice was scratchy from crying all night.
"Hey Y/n, it's me Dustin. Just checking to see if you're still picking me up." You sighed into the phone. You had forgotten that he would be staying at your house while his mom was away. You looked at your watch it was 12:30, you were supposed to pick him up an hour ago.
"Sorry Dustin, I'm coming to pick you up right now."
You drove to his house and he ran out to your car when he saw you pull up. He took in you appearance, he noticed your smeared lipstick, your mascara that had been cried away, your eyes were still red.
"Are you okay?" You broke out into tears. You rested your head on the steering wheel. Dustin had never seen you like this before. So, he didn't really know what to do. He gently rubbed your back. You sniffled and wiped away your tears.
"Sorry bud, let's go to my house. Are you hungry? We can order pizza if you want."
"Uh sure." The car ride to your house was silent. Dustin felt like if he said anything, you would start crying again. When you guys got back to your house, you order pizza and then sat on the couch, you were trying to find something on tv that could get your mind off of Billy. Dustin causciously walked over to you.
"Do you wanna talk about it?" You could feel tears brimming in your eyes.
"Billy broke up with me last night." Dustin had always been confused as to why you would be friends or even date Billy. You had insisted that Billy was different with you.
"Why?" You wiped away a few tears.
"Apparently he's not ready for a relationship. I mean can you believe that? We said 'I love you' but, he's not ready." You rolled your eyes as more tears came out.
"But, let's not talk about him. Tell me about Suzie!" You tried to sound excited. Dustin could see right through it. He talked to you about her anyway.
At about 5:30 your phone started to ring, you were in the shower so Dustin answered it for you.
"Hello, Y/L/N residence, Dustin speaking."
"Oh hey kid, it's Billy can you get Y/N for me?" Dustin didn't know what to do. He could hear you turn off the shower but, you had cried over Billy twice today. Dustin wanted to protect his best friend.
"Sorry she's not here. You can call back tomorrow though."
"Oh uh, okay." Dustin hung up the phone when he heard the bathroom door shut. You walked out to Dustin standing near the phone.
"Oh did someone call?" Dustin looked at awkwardly, he could lie to Billy but, lying to you was harder.
"Oh yeah it was Steve. He asked if I wanted to go to the arcade but, your parents just got done making dinner so I said no." Dustin was praying that you had believed him.
"Oh okay."
For the rest of Dustin's stay he answered every phone call your house had received. He had answered 10 calls from Billy. When you dropped off Dustin, that meant you had to answer a phone call from Billy. He wanted to talk, you would meet him at the quarry.
When you got there, Billy got out his Camaro and into your car. It was so awkward. You stared at him waiting for an explanation.
"Listen, I'm really fucking sorry. I never wanted to hurt you, which is why I broke up with you." You rolled your eyes at him before he continued.
"This fucking sucks to say and I don't want you to hate me. But, I don't think I ever loved you. I'm really sorry." You looked at him in disbelief.
"But, you told me that you loved me!" You could feel tears threatening to roll down your face.
"I said it because I thought I was in love with you. I think I was just confused."
"And you didn't think to fucking tell me?"
"I'm so fucking sorry. I wish I did love you. I just don't think I am ready for any type of relationship right now. I really want you to be my friend again but, I know I fucked up bad so i understand if you don't or can't be friends with me anymore."
"I think we should just stay away from each other for awhile."
"Okay." Billy got out of your car and waved goodbye to you. You drove away, you watched as Billy's Camaro got smaller and smaller in the distance.
