A moment to notice

Part 9

"Sure, sure. What's wrong?"

There was a rather large pause in between, the emotions splashing onto Ashton's features were like an open novel reading out its many hardship filled stories to you through expressions and emotions.

"I...have been meaning to tell you this for a long while. And no, its not what you are thinking. I am only guessing you know I am gay." He laughed a sad laugh before looking me in the eye, his right hand moving to cup my corresponding cheek.

"I...am depressed. I suffer from depression, social anxiety, and suicidal thoughts. I have avoided telling you all of this because....I was terrified for your reaction.."

Nobody's P.O.V

Calum stayed sat in shock, his eyes darting to investigate what exactly his boyfriend was telling him.

Suicidal? Meaning what exactly..? He cuts? Or does he do more drastic things..?

"Ash...you are being serious, correct?" He muttered under his breath, a lump having been formed in the back of his throat. Ashton gave a solemn nod, trying to keep his emotions from bubbling up inside himself.

"Why didn't you tell me this before? Do the other boys not know either?"

Ashton heaved a sigh as he looked to the other's confused, yet sympathetic face and shook his head no.

"No...Luke knows. Michael does as well.." Calum could feel all the heat of his body raise to his face, anger and sadness mixing inside him to form some strange emotion.

"So...you tell the other boys this before telling your own boyfriend?" Calum asked, a slight angry tone in his voice.

Ashton immediately started to defend the allegations. "No! ...Well, yes...But its not like I chose to tell them." "Then why the fuck did you tell them before you told me, Ash?"

Ashton gave another sad sigh, slowly and carefully entangling himself away from his younger brother.

"Come." He muttered as he stood up, noticing that Calum stayed seated.

"Why?"

"Because I want to talk. And I don't need swearing and cussing in front of my younger brother."

Calum wore an angry expression, wanting to retaliate but giving up eventually and standing up carefully as well, leaving Harry to sleep on the couch as they walked to Ashton's bedroom.

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"I only told Michael because he found me in the washroom one day, I think during my first week here. He tended to my wounds and just talked to me, saying he understood what I was going through and that he wanted me to stop, because people do care about me.." Ashton said, as he lay on his bed which was still made, turning his head to glance at Calum. Calum lay on his bed as well, but they weren't close to each other at all. It may have only been inches but it felt like oceans to the two males.

"Okay...before you tell me why you told Luke, I think I want you to tell me why you were harming yourself that day." The male said, turning on his side so he could face Ashton properlly as they talked.

"Well, I was feeling nostalgia. The nosalgia that I felt when I was in school, feeling completely left out and like  I did not belong here at all. It was strange since you all were such good friends who went to school together, who hung out, formed a band even. I never had that. I never had friends who I could hang out with whenever I wanted to. I never had friends who really seemed to have my back at all.."

"What about Lindsay? Wasn't she your friend, and your girlfriend?" Ashton gave a soft smile, soon inching closer to Calum, feeling lost without having his body heat around him.