Downfall | ✔️

Chapter 15.

"I do." he sighs.

"I don't mean to sound rude, Mason. But you know how I feel about you, and I feel like I don't know you at all." I tap my fingers on the bedframe.

"Can I respond now?" he says quietly.

I nod and wait patiently for whatever comes next.

"First of all, I never lied to you." he says, silencing me with his hand the same way I did as I tried to interject.

"I never lied to you, Amara. I purposely withheld information, which may be worse, but I never once told you something that was untrue. I never told you how I feel, but it's because I had good reason, I have good reason. What I wanted to talk about was just that. It's not easy, Amara. You're the one single person who I even fucking considered telling. Jake acts like he knows but he doesn't, he knows I have a bad past, but not the details. Nobody knows the details. I want to tell you, Amara, because if I don't I know I'll lose you and the thought of it drives me fucking insane."

I'm lost for words, partly because I know whatever he needs to tell me is bad, really bad. And partly from his words, losing me drives him crazy. Just as losing him makes me feel like I'm losing my mind.

Maybe we're just as insane as each other.

"I'm sorry for pushing you to tell me." I smile slightly.

"No, Amara. You need to tell me you'll leave and not look back if I don't tell you. You cant tell me it's okay not to. You need to yell at me and tell me if you don't hear the truth right now you'll never fucking talk to me again." he rambles on.

"What?"

"Tell me, please. I need to know you mean it or I can't bring myself to tell you." he stands up and begins to pace, I can tell he's more than nervous, scared even. I'm almost shaking at how nervous he is, he's always so together, I can't stand seeing him like this. I question whether I want to know, based on his reactions but I need to. I need to scare him into telling me just like he asked.

"I'll leave." I say as sternly as I can and my voice cracks, he turns to face me and stops pacing.

"I mean it, I'm not saying it because you told me to. I'm saying it because I planned a whole speech. A speech about cutting you off if you wont tell me." I tell him, partially true.

"I can't be your friend, or more, if you can't tell me this. You're scaring me more by not telling me. I couldn't be more scared than I am right now, despite whether you told me or not."

Lie.

"I don't care anymore, Mason. I need to know, or I'm walking out of that door and we never speak again."

Lie. Lie. Lie.

"Tell me!" I yell, standing to my feet in front of him.

"I was eight." he begins and my mouth opens slightly, I didn't think it would work, that he would actually tell me.

Eight, so young. I feel worried about what he's going to say, whether I really want to know this or if it'll change everything.

"I was eight when my dad started getting mixed in with the wrong crowd. He worked in a bank originally but he lost his job, I never really knew why. He never told my mom or me, he just told us he lost his job. My mom was a stay at home mom, she had to be for me." he exhales deeply, shifting his gaze. "When he lost his job we had no money, we were going to lose the house, I heard them arguing about it every night. My dad took out a loan, but not from the bank. He borrowed money from these men, they sold drugs and they were into a lot of bad shit." he pauses and looks at me, as if for reassurance—to which I smile as best as I can at him for, hoping it gives him what he needs to continue.