Downfall | ✔️

Chapter 15.

"So.. what did you want to talk about?" he asks me.

"Shouldn't we wait till we're at the dorm? The car isn't the best place to talk." I avoid the question, I really am just putting off the inevitable but I'm too nervous.

"So it's bad?" he raises his eyebrow at me.

"No, not exactly." I mumble.

"Is your's bad?" I bite the inside of my cheek from nerves.

"No.. not exactly." he copies my words as he focuses on the road.

"That isn't exactly filling me with confidence." I rest my head against the seat.

"Same goes to you." he mutters.

When we arrive at the dorm, like he said, Matt isn't home. For some reason I found myself hoping he was, so we wouldn't have to talk about it. But of course, it's inevitable. It's better I know now rather than later.

I take a seat on my usual spot on the bed and bounce my leg up and down slightly, a nervous habit of mine. Mason takes a seat beside me, not too close.

"Do you want to go first?" he asks me, noticeably uncomfortable.

"Not really, you?" I furrow my brow.

"Mine is more.. important, not as easy to say." he avoids eye contact, as usual. His words make the tension in the room rise, I'm more nervous than I was, which is a lot.

"How do you know that if you don't know what I'm going to say?" I mumble.

"Damn it, Amara. You're so damned difficult." he snaps and runs his fingers through his hair. It makes me feel one hundred times worse that he's already irritable and I haven't even mentioned it to him. Whatever he has to say must be bad.

"I'll go first." I stutter, and he nods in agreement. Even in this moment I don't know what I'm going to say. But I know I need to be blunt, honest, straight to the point.

He nods, but his eyes seem so vacant. I'm not even sure he's really listening, he seems like he's in a world of his own.

"You're sitting next to me but you're miles away." I sigh,

"What do you mean? Don't be so cryptic." he groans, I choose to ignore how hypocritical he's being right now—since all he does is tell me cryptic information.

"What I mean is that.. you don't tell me anything." I notice him preparing to interject and I raise my hand, telling him to wait.

"You're the most confusing yet endearing person I've ever met. You lie to me, I know you do. You hide things from me. Simple things. Like your family, or why you moved from Italy, or most of all why you keep telling me you're putting me in danger." as I continue I can hear my voice beginning to raise and my tone becoming harsher unintentionally.

"In fact, I think that's the worst of all. You're so hot and cold, you say you have feelings for m- in fact, you don't. You've never told me how you feel about me. You're present one day and the next you're so cold and distant, yelling that you can't be with me because you'll hurt me. What does that mean, Mason? I need to know. I know you're probably not going to tell me, but I need to know."

I pause, gathering my bearings, "I need to be able to trust you and I can't when you hide everything from me. One of my most intimate secrets about my mother is now yours to hold, and I don't even know what your story is." I finish rambling and I wait for him to blow up, scream at me, I can see the coldness in his usually kind eyes, and the anger he's desperately trying to hide behind them.

"I know." he simply says, not harshly, but quietly, softly, looking me in the eyes.

"You do?" I can't disguise the surprise in my voice.