hide your fires | ✓

xi. alleviate the pain

the chemicals that make her laugh
don't seem to be working anymore
– the 1975, she lays down

• •

lisa carefully settled her gaze on chaeng, who was sleeping on their bed, these past couple of weeks had been...rough; that word wasn't even enough to describe the overall hurricane they both went through.

chaeng was never happy anymore. she was broken. she didn't shine, or when she did it was only dim. they snuff out the light in her and lisa tried her best to give all her remaining light to chaeng, but it wasn't enough, because lisa had long gone lost her light, she was a crooked warrior after all.

despite that, lisa hadn't given up, this was her fucking angel for fuck's sake; she had relied on chaeng's light for so long, now it was her turn to give back.

give and take, that was what relationships were.

lisa searched for it, the light, and sometimes she became a thief who stole the stars' light one by one and slowly stuffing them into chaeyoung with every kiss she gave her.

it was slow, it was going to take time, and lisa—she just missed her baby, she felt so fucking useless because she couldn't even make her happy, and if she did manage to make chaeng happy, it was only oh so fleeting.

her father's death was her ruination. god, her poor chaeyoung had been through so much, now she was only a hallowed shell of what used to be.

tears had been spilled and lisa stood up and turned away, she needed a moment for herself, chaeng's sadness was her sadness and she needed to weep for her.

slowly, lisa made her way towards the balcony in their room, she sat down on the chair and let the afternoon sun paint her features with golden light, she took a cigarette and lit it.

she took a drag.

exhaled.

she was going to make a call.

she waited and then they picked up.

"lisa?" the voice from the other end echoed.

"hey, chu." lisa sniffled.

"it's good to hear from you." jisoo had a smile in her voice.

"can we talk, i just want to talk to someone right now?"

"yeah...of course," her voice had always been so careful, "how is chipmunk?"

lisa held her sob in, her lips quivered and she let out a shaky breath, "she's hanging on..." now a shaky sad laugh had been released, "i want to talk about her actually,"

"yeah?"

"she doesn't get up anymore..." lisa began and jisoo braced herself because the older girl knew hearing about the state one of her best friends were in was going to fucking hurt a lot. "it's as if the weight of the universe was dragging her down, and it's as if her soul left her body, a-and, fuck—" lisa wiped her tears away with the back of her hand.

she heaved in a breath and tried to find the words that would let her emotions out in the open, "she's so fucking lost, i don't know how to get her back, i've been searching for her, it's been more than a week a-and i'm just so worried, unnie. she stopped going to her classes, she doesn't want to pursue law anymore. there were times when i arrive from work she'd be in the same place where i left her. she's so... she's so sad, and it's breaking me." lisa brought the cigarette to her lips with her shaky hands and took another drag, "i just want to help her, i wanna fix her, or- or for the least ease the pain a little, but that's it— she's numb, she's not feeling. it's like she's catatonic, unnie."

"oh, lisa" on the other end jisoo was crying, silently, as to not worry lisa. jisoo had no words, she didn't know what to say to lisa, but this "i'll help, i'll help, i'm going to visit..."

"i-i'll ask her, i don't want her to throw a fit, she doesn't particularly like being pitied." lisa sniffled and sighed as she flicked the cigarette butt to the ashtray. "thank you for listening, chu."

"anytime, lisa..."

the two girls continued to speak, not until lisa heard chaeyoung calling out for her, so it was cut short and lisa put her phone back into her pocket as she made her way back inside, she got on the bed as chaeng was reaching out for her.

she settled herself beside her and spooned her, chaeng had her head craned and she asked for a kiss.

lisa's heart stopped.

she hadn't had asked for a kiss lately. this was a change, this was new, this was progress.

lisa smiled and kissed her on the lips so tenderly, so full of love.

"don't leave me, love." tears were brimming in chae's eyes, and lisa shook her head and kissed her forehead repeatedly.

"never," lisa promised.

"'you still love me?" chaeng carefully asked.

as an answer lisa kissed her, yes, always—

"why would i stop?"

chaeng frowned and motioned to herself, she finally turned around to face her, "i'm a mess."

"we'll be a mess together."

it was a nice thing to hear, and chaeyoung was finally hearing again after being in such a bleak state of nothingness, she wrapped her slender arms around lisa and nestled herself against her.

"thank you,"

"i love you."

"i know."

there they laid, a new form of light regenerating within them brought by the love they had for each other; they don't have to be thieves anymore.

—

note:
i just wanna thank everyone who reads this and votes
i know most of you are silent readers
nonetheless i appreciate it.

i didn't think anyone would even read this, hahaha.