xvi. did you think i said too much?

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i think you're perfect
i think that you're everything that i could've dreamed
- richard orofino, purfect

• •

she had been avoiding her family - that was a fact she will not deny.

it was not because chae was angry with them.

it was because she was not ready.

she shut down, she felt like utter trash, she had no idea how to show her face to them without that bravery and pride she once wore.

fuck

thinking about it was already making her stomach sink, deeper, as in deeper as the depth of oceans.

unready

that was what she was.

she did not want to, not at all. but she felt lisa's pressure against her skin, the expectancy was there and chaeyoung could not handle it.

especially not when it's about her finally talking to her mother and older sister.

"a simple hi, hello- chaeng, that is all" lisa insisted, she tried to keep her voice calm, understanding.

for chaeng it was not anything like that, lisa came off too much for her, as if she was squeezing her in. "you don't understand, lisa, a simple 'hi, hello' won't do!"

"why are you raising your voice?" lisa's lips turned into a frown.

"i'm not raising my voice!" chaeyoung said while brushing her hand through her hair, tousling it - first obvious sign of stress.

"okay," lisa sighed, "chaeng they miss you, worried for you-"

"why should they be, don't you update them about me?" chaeng's tone turned accusatory.

"of course, i don't want your mum to worry!" lisa knew where this was going.

something in them had risen and she was certain there was no way for her to push it back, back deep down into the pandora box; it did not belong where she and chaeyoung were at.

it was inevitable, it was something that happened once in a while.

"i love how you are so insistent on me trying to reconnect with my mum and sister when you have not even fixed your issues with your dad," chae scoffed.

"huh," lisa pressed her lips together and chuckled without humor, "you know what, maybe i'm gonna get my daddy issues fixed, show you how it is done, i don't want to live a life knowing there is no way my piece of shit father knew how much he fucked me up, stay ignorant until his death bed."

there was silence, one where they knew nothing right would come out of.

"wow," there were tears in chaeyoung's face now, "it is as if you can find him, at least mine did not run away, he loved me-"

"shut the fuck up, chaeyoung." the way lisa's fists were clenched showed how much she was restraining herself, "that is why i'm trying to fucking help you, you fucking asshole, your family fucking loves you and you're being so fucking ungrateful and unnecessarily a dipshit to them."

chae was still quite pissed, despite that there was that guilt, she did not feel okay being under her own fucking skin.

"babe, i fucking love you, but shit i just can't fucking talk to you right now-"

then lisa marched towards the door and left chaeyoung there in silence.

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