iii. wish you knew

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hold me down, i know i've lost control
picking up all of my dirty bones
– brockhampton, palace

• •

undoubtedly she did indeed wake up to emptiness, she was rather lonesome and it did not even come as a surprise to her anymore.

this always happens.

the moment she opened her eyes, there was nothing but vastness that greeted her in her waking, when the night prior she had someone there beside her.

it was as if everything had been nothing but a dream, a foggy seamless object which she couldn't have a grasp on; always slipping away from her fingers.

chae was fucking tired.

she grabbed on the sheets and breathed in the intoxicating scent lisa left her, she feasted on the remnants like a savage.


that should be enough dosage for her to survive the day, she rolled over and got up from her bed, she immediately made it up because if she couldn't keep herself together at least she could make it seem like she did.

she made her way to her vanity and began to tie her hair in a messy bun. she picked up her phone.

eleven a.m.

as if on cue her stomach growled, she was starving, her head was a bit lightheaded and she was becoming quite delusional as she began to smell a whiff of something delicious from outside of her room.

she did not leave another more glance to her reflection and proceeded to exit her bedroom.

the sight before her pulled on her heartstrings as if to play a melody that was only dedicated to the girl who had an ash brown hair tied in a loose pony tail.

"good morning, darling" lisa sounded quite chipper.

the song in her heart easily reached its chorus as she moved closer to lisa, a smile that was only reserved for her plastered on chae's face.

lisa opened her free arm, inviting chae in the recesses of the remaining safety she's had in her body, it was close to home, well scratch that, it was home to chae.

a happy moan left her mouth as she pressed herself against lisa, and a delighted squeal followed as lisa left butterfly kisses on her forehead and down to her cheek.

"i'm cooking you food, now don't distract me, rosie posie." she chuckled.

god chae loved hearing that, well the brief laughter, but the phrase 'i'm cooking you food' is music to her ears as well.

french toasts with strawberries, blueberries, and bananas, whipped cream, and maple syrup for her sweet tooth. sausages, bacon, and omelet. there was also orange juice, it wasn't fresh because lisa wasn't able to go to the farmer's market due to how late they have fallen asleep, chae did not fail to appreciate it though.

her heart swelled with appreciation.

to lisa it was her simple thank you, even if it could really be considered grandeur, she could not help going all out when it came to her chaeng. she was clueless to how she brought such happiness to chae, the disappointment the blonde felt earlier was long forgotten due to this.

after brunch chae was left to wash the dishes while lisa was outside the balcony, smoking.

she had such low expectations for lisa, she realized. the moment she woke up she immediately assumed the worst—that lisa left her without any goodbyes.

the goo that was guilt was eating her up, she was no less than those bitches who took lowly of her lalisa, it tugged on her heart how most—if not everyone—always expected the worst from lisa.

they all see lisa as a beautiful being with a grotesque heart.

lisa wanted everyone to see her as that, no more and no less a deceiving nightmare, a dream you thought was sweet that turned out to be a terror.

chaeyoung refused to see and acknowledged that.

she shook her head to herself, quickly wiped her hands dry as she was finished, she rushed to the balcony and she looked at lisa.

breathless and guilty.

worry was between the crease of lisa's eyebrows, "what's wrong, baby?"

chae shook her head and wiggled her way into lisa's arms, she hid her face on her shoulder then softly kissed her on her jaw.

"hmm, you can tell me..." she was insistent.

"it's really nothing," chae reassured.

lisa kissed her on the forehead repeatedly, she then held chaeng by the chin and they locked their gaze on each other.

they both began to imagine kissing each other.

closing the space between them, pressing their lips together, breathing each other's breaths, tasting each other's tongue, getting addicted to it, trembling hands caressing skin, exchanging adoration.

the thought enough made chae gasp.

the thought enough made lisa hungry.

at the same time they looked at each other's lips.

"you're so beautiful, lisa"

"chaeng—you're life shattering,"

it was just so perfect how they both said it in unison.

they both smiled and laughed, brushing it off as friendly compliments.

chae took the cigarette from lisa's hand and took a drag from it, after that lisa took the cigarette back, she put her lips around the filter and continued to smoke.

they passed it down, when it was finished lisa took another and they shared the same stick again.

chae's back was now pressed against lisa's chest as they gave each other the liberty to kiss through the shared cigarette stick.

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