Guide Me (Halren) **DISCONTINUED**

11

Halsey's POV

She doesn't know and she can't. She won't ever know and frankly, I don't really feel like telling her now that's she's been avoiding me the whole day. If anything, I should be avoiding her with my newfound secret and all the embarrassing things in my journal that she now knows about me. But I snapped at her and then ran away, just like I would if I was mad at her. I'm not really that angry at her. I don't like the fact she found out all this stuff about me from my journal without my permission. But I'm not overly mad at her. I understand what she was describing earlier. When you really want something and you are certain that it will make things better then you'll do it. She was only looking out for me but then again, she could have came to me about it and asked me to explain it instead of reading it herself. I would've read a few entries to her no doubt, if not more than that.

She just had to ask.

But it's okay now, I guess. There's nothing I can do about it and I guess I'll just have to adjust to Lauren knowing so much more than what I thought she would know about me at this point in our relationship. I'm not the type to share everything about my life, I like to keep a lot of things private. It takes me a while to open up to people no matter how much I might trust them.

I just wish she would stop avoiding me. I need Lauren right now. I did something stupid and if I don't tell her now well... She might never know.

I'm sorry, Laur. You just wanted to help.

After months of not scribbling anything in this journal that's more than ten words, I'm finally writing in it again. A real, normal length entry this time.

All of a sudden, I hear footsteps approaching the room we now share... well, I don't know about tonight. I tense up but I'm not scared or worried of anything about to happen in our encounter. I'm more curious... And maybe a bit happy that I get to see her face again after a couple hours of not, even if she's not smiling.

It would help if she were smiling though.

Hey, look! It's you. Hi. How're you? It feels like we haven't talked in so long yet it's only been a few hours.

Well... you glanced at me, our eyes meeting for a quick second.

I guess you only came in here to find a more comfortable shirt and to tie your hair up... that's okay.

Is it weird that I've been watching you this whole time? I'm sorry. I miss you already.

Okay, bye.

Maybe I should just say something. I'm not mad anymore, I'm really not. I get it.

Maybe I should say something.

..................

It's past lunch. I haven't had anything to eat and for once, 

It's not fine by me.

I feel bad, so fucking bad that I've put her through so much and made her have to suffer for me. All I am is some random, boring, disgrace of a girl she met on tour months ago. I'm nothing too special and that must be what she's realized now because I'm getting no pleads and begging to eat something. I think she might have even went out somewhere for a little bit without telling me because it's been extremely quiet here for a long time.

Or at least it's felt like a long time.

I've been laying in bed for a while, just thinking, so I don't have much of a concept of time in this moment.

But just thinking has been torture. I feel like a toddler that's been put in a time-out to think about what she did wrong. I don't want to think about what I've done wrong anymore. There's too much to list off. All that I know right now is that I want Lauren. I just want to know that she's okay.