Guide Me (Halren) **DISCONTINUED**

6.

Halsey

It really hasn't been as bad as I had thought with Camila here. It has been kind of fun to be honest. We've played some games, watched some tv marathons, and even found a recipe for cookies to make later. I've been doing pretty good with the food thing today. I actually feel a lot better than I have in a long time. I've had lunch as well with Lauren and Camila. During lunch, I noticed that Lauren would send me glances every so often as we talked about what we've been doing lately since the tour and so. I would meet her glances but smile. I knew she was trying to ask if I was okay so I smiled every time she were to look over. She smiled back. She was happy I was happy and that was all that seemed to matter in that moment.

Now, a few hours later, she's doing the same thing. Her green eyes meet my brown ones and I give her a little smile, taking a bite of my pasta. I listen to Camila and Lauren, joining in whenever I can. Pasta is a terrible trigger food but I don't think Lauren noticed that. It's fine... I guess. I move around my noodles on my plate to make it seem like I'm eating when really I haven't taken a bite in the last five minutes. I frown, wanting to make Lauren proud but I'm not so sure I can finish all of this. It's so much. Too much.

I try to take another bite when Lauren looks at me minutes after but I just can't. I can't force myself to eat all of this fat. I look at her, then I look at Camila, then back at her again. I don't know what to do. I can't let her down.

"Ash?" I hear Lauren's voice and look up at her again. Her hand comes to rest on mine across the table. "I'm so proud of you, okay?" She says, smiling. I can tell she's trying to let me know that I don't have to eat the rest. I can't anyway, I really can't.

So I force a smile at her, my happy, bubbly mood fading slowly, as I sit back in my chair. I listen to them talk to try and ignore the fact that I had probably gained some pounds from today.

Damn it. I feel terrible now. I need to get this stuff out of me somehow but I can't when they're watching. If I excuse myself to go to the bathroom, they'll catch on. At least Lauren will. So I wait, and after they're done, we all go to the living room to watch a movie. When Camila has gone to pick out the movie, Lauren approaches me. I turn to look into her green eyes that are filled with concern.

"You okay?" She asks, grabbing my hand and giving it a squeeze. I know I'm not but she doesn't know that.

"Yeah, just a little bit of a stomach ache." I tell her. At least my answer had some truth to it. Instead of a small stomach ache, it was almost unbearable. I needed to get everything out of me but I couldn't purge. They would know and it would be even more embarrassing with Camila here. Yes, she's our friend and she was the first one to comfort me on the tour bus when everyone found out everything that I had been hiding from them. She knows everything. But she doesn't have to know how bad it really is.

"Okay, but if you need anything, I'm always here." She says. I nod my head as Camila comes back.

For the whole movie, I lay with my head on Lauren's lap, clutching my stomach and hoping the ache will go away soon. It seems to stay as Lauren strokes my hair and my eyelids start to get heavy half way through the movie. I turn to lay on my other side, facing Lauren, trying to get a little sleep. It's all I can do to ignore this painful, sick feeling. So as I lay here I focus on my girlfriend's hands run through my hair, slowly and twirling the strands of hair on her finger when she reaches the ends. A small, content, smile appears on my lips as I feel myself drift off into a dreamless sleep.

.................................

It's a few hours later when I start to stir, missing the hand running through my hair as I'm laying on a much more comfortable material. Don't get me wrong though, if I had to sleep on the couch, my head supported by Lauren's lap, I would - no problem. But now, I'm almost sure Lauren is right beside me. Her scent is enveloping me so it's either her or her bed. I think it's her.