Guide Me (Halren) **DISCONTINUED**

7.

Lauren

I sit up in my bedroom today, working on painting that picture of Ashley and I. Camila had gone home right before lunch and unfortunately Ashley hasn't eaten anything since breakfast. It's nearing four in the afternoon now and I'm too busy worrying about Ashley to even focus on this painting. All I'm doing is sitting across from my canvas, staring at the half painted tops of the trees and the little bit of sky that pokes through their leaves. I know that painting helps relieve my stress and relax me but this time, I'm not having any luck with it. 

That thought makes me frown.

Everything has been going so well up until this point. It just always seems to loops around like this. It's bad and then it's good for a day or two and then it's back to being bad again. I know I should be more positive right now for Ashley's sake but I can't help it. My anxiety is sky rocketing. I need to help her, she needs to get better, because god knows there's no way she would agree to go to a treatment center for three months. I know her, and I know that she hates being vulnerable and weak - especially in front of people she doesn't know so well. Plus, it would be on the news and on the cover of every magazine. She would hate that. So that means I have to do everything in my power to help her get better again. And I will, somehow.

I let out a sigh and stare ahead at my painting more. I can see the finished product clearly in my mind and I smile as I remember that day. Finally, I got to open up to her and it felt amazing to get that off my chest. She deserved to know anyway and I'm glad I got to tell her. It was definitely interesting having her be the one to comfort me because I was usually the one comforting her but that's what a relationship is about. Comforting each other in times of sadness or anything along those lines. Our relationship isn't at all one-sided, I know it. I just can't afford to be an emotional wreck while she's going through all this. She needs somebody strong who knows what they're doing.

"Lauren?"

All of a sudden, Ashley's voice brings me out of my thoughts. She's not in the room yet but she's only a few steps from seeing the painting. I start to panic. It's still wet so I can't throw a sheet over top of it, that would smudge the paint. So as quickly but carefully as I can, I take the canvas and put it back where I had it in the closet. I know it's not the best place to hide it but I don't really have any other place to keep it away from her.

The moment I take my seat again, she walks in. I smile at her, twirling a paintbrush in my hand as she leans against the door frame.

"I just wanted to talk to you. Are you painting?" She asks, playing with the the ends of her red wig. I've figured out she likes to wear wigs because not only do they make her feel pretty - even though she is already - but they give her a sense of safety in a way. I think she thinks they're one of the only things that actually belong to her. It's not true of course, but to her it seems like it right now.

I nod my head, gazing up at her.

"Yeah, I tried. Nothing really came of it though." I sigh.

I watch as she tilts her head to the side in confusion.

"Yeah? Usually you paint for hours and you have no problem getting into it."

I shrug my shoulders, not entirely sure what happened this time. But I think I have a good idea.

Ashley still eyes me in a slightly suspicious way as I stand from my stool. I don't blame her, this isn't normal behaviour for me. I don't really know what's going on. If I'm okay or not. Maybe it's just not the best day for me.

"Is everything okay?" She asks. I start cleaning up my paints and brushes as I respond.

"Yeah, I'm just tired." I brush it off - whatever it is that might be bothering me.