How To Be The Best Third Wheel

Original Edition - Tip 46: Shizballs, I Really Have No Advice For This One

A whirlwind of hell.

I go towards James, who is probably trying to say hi to me, but I ignore that, and give him the sleeping child in my arms. "Take Maggie for a bit. I'll be right back."

"Wait, Lara-" he starts, but I'm already rushing upstairs.

I burst open the door to my own bedroom, where Eliza is busy rummaging through our shared closet. She can't seem to make up her mind about what to wear over her night club attire. I lean against the doorframe, waiting for her to notice my presence, but she seems way too absorbed in her fashion choices.

After a minute, she finally turns around and says, "Oh! 'Cuz, I didn't notice you here!"

Cutting the bull, I immediately state, "I know what you're doing." I cross my arms and attempt to stare her down.

She frowns, faking an innocent look that absolutely anyone could see through. "Whatever do you mean?"

"Don't do this. It's so obvious. You never dress like this." I tell her calmly.

"So? Can't a girl dress nice for a hockey game?"

I walk into the room and stand directly in front of her, which proves to be much less intimidating than planned, considering her tall, lean build. I'm starting to think that what I imagine happening in my head, won't actually play out the same way. "Eliza, stop trying to steal my boyfriend."

She simply laughs, "I find it so funny that James likes you, y'know? But here you guys are, together. I'd never try to steal him from my own cousin, but you can't say the same, can you?" She leans forward, her face so close to mine.  I never thought I'd see the grin of a Cheshire Cat unclose, but there's always a time for everything.

"I never took anything from you." I tell her, my voice low, my eyes shooting daggers at her.

She purses her lips before heading to the door. At the door, she stops for a second before saying, "I still need to grab a jacket," and heads back to the closet.

She starts to rummage through my side of the closet and asks, "Lara, can I borrow a jacket?"

I don't reply, and continue to observe her actions.

She picks the large, black, leather jacket from the hanger at the the back and I feel my body start to tense. I can't feel anything. It's like I'm frozen, numb, like I've lost all ability to say anything.

She puts the jacket on, "Oo, love the oversized fit."

"Eliza, not that one." I tell her, assertively, yet still calm.

She doesn't say anything, but her eyes challenge me in every single way. Her gaze puts me under fire and suddenly I'm engulfed in flames.

A lump in my dry throat forms and I try to swallow. "Eliza, take that off." I demand, more aggressively this time, but she doesn't falter.

"I said, take it off!" I repeat, surprising myself with my loudness. I stride towards her and attempt to grab the jacket, but she swerves and I miss by a mile.

She moves to the other side of the room and in a mocking tone, she asks, "Why? Is this your boyfriend's jacket? Does it have some super, sentimental value to you, Sweetheart?" She pouts and I feel my cheeks burning up.

"Just take the freaking jacket off!" I scream, but she just laughs.

"No way in hell!"

I chase her around the room, both of us screaming things at each other that would get our mouth's soaped if our parents were here.