Sophomore Year Journal

I am Wolverine.

(10/13/14)

If only today was Friday..

Sadly it's Monday and IIIIIIII didn't come to school Friday. I was sick, tired, and restless from an entire week of worrying over all the work I have on my schedule.

You see: my teacher is one of the people where if you do not have ONEEEEE assignment done, you have an F in his class.

It's insanity. I understand if it was like.. Math if we would do this. It's only Western Geography. No one will care later that I know where Uganda and Singapore are on the world map.

Luckily the day I missed.. I didn't miss Chemistry. His teaching style sucks too much and I can only JUST grasp onto him and his teachings.

I also figured out where I stand with Tyler, and let me tell you.. I'M ANNOYED.

I went to see him and Rebecca, I know they were close but not so close he had to hang all over her.

I'm literally so mad. I don't think you have any idea. It's to the point where I just.. Want to push him away again.

I want to let them have each other. I thought I was his best friend.. not HER..

God I hate the world right now.. It's literally just crushed me under my own weight. I buried myself in video games and said "screw the rest of you."

I'm annoyed with Kaitlynn and she's the last thing I want to be around, she is really fraying my nerves and I'm starting not to feel bad anymore about it.

I was going to move tables to see Eddie until I realized who he sat buy, which was a bunch of senior and junior guys.

I'll admit, I was a bit afraid. I am a sophomore biological girl among several upper class men besides him and a guy named Cameron.

I'm literally just.. perplexed.

The people who want to be around me annoy me because they're constantly there. It has nothing to do with this want to have someone be my best friend

and the people I want to be around I feel like I annoy! Because I know what it feels like to have someone constantly on you.

-SCREAMS-

I'm back to my need of pushing everyone away. I swear I won't miss Tyler this time either.

Honestly, I do have an internet boy, Jack. He's not so much of something I can push away as he is my lifeline along with a few other people form the internet.

So, I just need to bury myself in games, schoolwork and drama classes. I'll do fine then.

You don't need friends in solo player games, school work is only meant to better yourself and in acting you're a different person with set people as your "friends" which I can live with, knowing what I'll say and do...

I just have nothing but hate for the world around me besides gaming

My friends I held close have closer friends.. I'm never the top person.. I'm.. Just done with all of this human interaction and connection gives me no interest anymore.

I don't want a lover and I don't want kids. I really just.. Don't.

Kids are too much work and lovers are.. Ew? Connection is hard and I don't want to be put through it.. There will always be someone else.

or the same stupid excuse "I'm not ready for it."

Then don't develop feelings for me, just do not. at all.

I hope no one ever does so I can learn to live on my own and support myself, and probably a cat or a dog.. and a bunch of other little cute fuzzy things. o3o

But no... I'm tired and done. I need to work on school work.. another thing I need to just bury myself in.

screw humans and their need to bond. I'll tell that feeling to hang itself before it makes me even want to.