First Love (is being edited)

Chapter 30

Although Gem wanted to stay in John's affectionate embrace forever, she needed to know for sure if they were okay.
John was a nice guy, maybe too nice, he would try to comfort anyone in pain, but she needed to know without any doubt that he forgave her and that they were still together as much more than mere friends.

"So are we okay?" She asked through the tears after he let her go from his warm hug.
"You know you broke my heart, don't you?" He said.
"I..." Gem started to say.

"No, no, let me finish. You said your piece and I empathize with your pain, but now I think it's my turn to pour my heart out." John said.
Trying to keep her tears at bay, predicting the worst possible outcome, Gem just nodded her head vigorously wishing he would stay with her at the end of his story.

"My whole life I have been surrounded by fake people, so I never had the chance to understand what true friendship, true connection truly meant.
I kept watching the people who shared that special bond and I couldn't understand it.
For me, it was unimaginable to tell someone all my hopes and dreams, all that I am, until I met you.

What I haven't told you before is that I wasn't there that day to jump off that bridge, but now that I think about it I am no longer sure what would have happened if you hadn't shown up.
I was starving for affection, for someone to listen to what I have to say, to finally be understood and appreciated.
Then I started talking with you and you could see me for who I truly am, no disguises, no masks to hide behind and it scared me.

Sometimes getting exactly what you wanted is terrifying and that is why I let you go that day, but I was so grateful to fate that it brought you back into my life.
Seeing you open up to me and understanding me when I opened up to you, it was the most amazing, liberating experience of my life.
There was this warmth growing in my heart and the need to spend more time with you, to show you all the affection I could master.
I wanted to teach you what love is and how wonderful it truly is because I knew that I was slowly but surely falling in love with you." John said.

Upon hearing that, Gem gasped loudly and opened her mouth as if to say something, but John put his finger in front of his mouth in a shushing gesture.

"I knew that you weren't ready to hear that, so I kept my feelings to myself and did my best to follow your lead, to go as slowly as you like.
I thought that my patience paid off.

We had so many great dates and that day at the river bank I was sure that I had finally managed to win your heart, that you started feeling the same emotions for me. That it was too much for your body to contain so you had to physically express your emotions, but after what happened at your university I was sure I was wrong.
Watching you with that guy... It crushed me.

If you had said anything about not wanting the guy, I would have fought for you but you disregarded all that we were to each other with such nonchalance that I thought I made a mistake.
I started feeling as if all that we were to each other was just some game you were playing with my heart.
Crushed, I came back home and I just shut down.

I wasn't ready to deal with what it all meant and I just shut down all the thoughts and got lost in the emptiness of my mind, a skill I honed with years of needing an escape from too many thoughts running wild in my head.

When my mother told me there was a girl at the door for me, I knew it was you and I thought that seeing you would make me break down in tears and that wasn't something I was about to allow myself to do.
Instead of facing you, I begged my poor honest mother, to lie for me.
I wanted you to leave and let me wallow in my misery.

In my mind, you came to gloat over hurting me, to enjoy my pain.
I was angry and the anger made me think the worst of you.
In my defense, I did have my reasons to think so.

Now, that you told me the truth, what you went through, I feel like an idiot for ever doubting you, for daring to doubt you.
Still, I feel hurt.
You should have had enough trust in me to protect myself and you.
You should have told me the truth, and I am sure I would have been able to deal with the guy.
I understand why you did what you did but next time just tell me the truth, and we will deal with whatever comes, together." John said.

"So there will be a next time? You aren't breaking up with me for being an overprotective idiot?" Gem asked.
"You hurt me so much, but I don't think I can imagine my life without you. So absolutely not, I am most definitely not breaking up with you. You would have to do much worse to get rid of me." John said as if making a promise.

The relief was evident on Gem's face but before it could take full effect John spoke up.
"However, I do expect you to make it up to me." He said with a huge smile.
It was obvious to Gem from the brightness of his smile that everything was already forgiven, but not forgotten, that would take a lot of time and effort.
"And how could I ever make it up to you?" Gem asked slowly bringing her face closer to his, huge smile adorning her face.

She slowly kissed his forehead, then the tip of his nose, his cheek, his other cheek, and then after taking a long deep look into his eyes which were burning with fire she lowered her lips to his.
Not sure how open he would be to the kiss, she just gently brushed her lips against his and even that small peck on his lips made the fire ignite.
He took control of the kiss, kissing her deeply and passionately as if he had been starved for her kisses.

When they came out for air, he started gently stroking her cheek while looking deeply into her eyes confirming that it was real, that they were real.
It wasn't just a dream he had that ended abruptly he was actually there sharing the precious moment with Gem.

"Well, that's a good start," John said.

Gem promised to herself that she would win back John's trust and erase all the pain that she had caused him as soon as possible.
"You know, I think I should take you out on a date." Gem said as she brushed away a strand of his unruly hair.
"You should?" He asked amused.
He had never seen Gem take that much initiative before, and he really liked that.

"Yes, I most definitely should. It will be one step in making it up to you for causing you pain. So, John, would you like to go on a date with me?" Gem asked.
After everything that happened, she would have understood if John refused and one small part of her mind was expecting him to do so, but to her relief, he didn't.
"There is nothing I would love to do more than go out with you, Gem." He said.

After he said that Gem thought it appropriate to seal the deal with a smoldering kiss that made her feel like there were too many things she was feeling at the same time, and she loved that rush of emotions.
From John's dazed look she could see that he shared her feelings.

She knew she was slowly falling in love with John the same way he was falling in love with her, she just wasn't yet ready to say it out loud. She promised herself and made a silent promise to John that soon enough she would be able to say it.