"I can't afford to lose another second with you. I've been waiting a long time."
---
May 12. 11:30 PM.
Should I confront Scott? Ask him what his deal is? I don't plan on telling him I'm still in love with him (even as I'm writing that, me in love with Scott, it feels... wrong), I really just want to know why he's been acting different. But how do I approach him?
---
May 13. 9:45 PM.
I should make a plan. I think the best thing to do would be to ask him casually. I will let him know I've noticed that he's changed, but I also have to make him feel that it's not a big deal to me. EVEN IF IT IS. Oh my God, now that I'm writing about it, I realized it really is. Shit.
Best case scenario, he tells me he loves me. (Ha, a girl can dream, right? A gay can dream? Princess. A boy princess can dream.) I'd tell him I love him, too, and we'll live happily ever after. That sounds like more of a delusion than a dream. So not gonna happen. Average case scenario (I don't know what's in between best and worst), he confirms what I've been thinking - that he just misses Alex and he is, instead, spending his time with me. Actually, that doesn't sound average. If he tells me that I will get hurt. I don't want to be his rebound. Let's make that bad case scenario. Worst will be what? He realizes that the reason I'm asking him is because I'm in love with him. Nobody knows me better than Scott, and he might see through me. If he brings up the past and tells me he only wants me as a best friend and that he doesn't love me back, that will be worse case. But worst case will be if he stops what's he's doing altogether and he gets crazy weird around me.
There seems to be more risk and more all-kinds-of-bad scenarios waiting to happen if I confront him. Maybe I should just let him be? See if he goes back to normal eventually.
I will go crazy, yes, but I don't think I'm ready to lose my best friend.
---
May 14. 10:00 AM.
Today marks the 3-month deadline for Alex to make things right with Scott. Not that either of them knows about that stupid rule. I was probably the only one who read that article. Not that I care either... Okay... fine. I care. Why am I even lying when I'm the only one reading this. There is no point lying to myself. My hands just get tired from all the extra writing I have to do when I elaborate on my lie.
Here's the thing. I was thinking that after today, if Alex doesn't make his move, I will confront Scott tomorrow. I know I said yesterday that I wasn't ready to lose my best friend, but I won't let it come to that. I just want to know why Scott has been behaving that way. I promise to be casual. Whatever he tells me, I will accept it and drop the subject.
Sounds like a good plan to me.
---
May 15. 8:00 AM.
Can you tell from the time how excited I am... sort of? Alex was a no-show yesterday and Scott stayed home the entire time, as I did. I mean I don't know if Alex tried texting or calling, but Scott would've told me. I'm thinking dinner time. We have rehearsals with the rest of PTX today.
---
May 15. 10:00 PM.
Rehearsal went well. On the other hand, my thing with Scott went in every direction I wasn't expecting.
So we had Chinese food delivered. We were on the couch, on opposite ends with our feet touching, eating dinner while watching some cheesy chick flick on HBO. I was a little nervous since I wanted to bring up my concern but I wasn't sure how. I was going through different opening lines in my head when Scott suddenly spoke up.
YOU ARE READING
Soundtrack (Scomiche)
FanfictionIt's been a while since Mitch Grassi has been dateless on Valentine's day. He gets pretty desperate and in his drunken state tries to hook up with his ex-boyfriend. But when he wakes up the following morning, he finds himself in bed with his best fr...
