1: Problem (Part 1)

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"I know I shouldn't ever call back or let you come back but it's you."

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February 4. 8:00 PM.

It's 10 days before Valentines. I still don't have a date and I hate it. I haven't been single in a long time and honestly, I've forgotten how it's like. Besides, this is my favorite time of the year (aside from my birthday, that is) and I have nobody. I've gotta make a plan. Hmmm.

Okay, so Plan A, look for a date. Tinder would be a good place to start, right? Or will people feel my desperation? Fuck, I really hate this. If that doesn't work, Plan B is... what? Movie marathon at home, on the couch, binge-eating ice cream. Or drowning myself in wine. That kinda sounds better than Plan A. Plan C is... Scott.

I hate Scott. I don't actually hate him like hate him. He's got Alex and he seems happy. He's been crazy the past few days, trying to think of the perfect date for Alex.

Now that I think about it, I hate Alex. Because he has Scott. And honestly I don't think Alex realizes how lucky he is.

Ten days. I have 10 days.

I am beginning to hate this holiday.

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February 10. 10:00 PM.

It's been almost a week and nothing. I am starting to feel desperate. I know it sounds stupid, but I'm a hopeless romantic and this is MY holiday. It doesn't help that everything around me seems to remind me of how happy this holiday could be, if only I had someone...

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February 11. 11:30 PM.

Two fucking days. I have gone through my contacts list five times. I'm still contemplating if I should text any one of them. I shouldn't... right?

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February 12. 10:30 PM.

I have a resolution. I will spend this holiday alone and I will enjoy myself. I will not depend on others to make this day a special day for me.

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February 13. 11:00 PM.

Holy shit, universe. Why are you making it so hard for me to keep my resolution? I got a message. From Travis. THE Travis. The you-gotta-choose-between-me-or-Scott Travis. Same Travis who broke my heart not too long ago. The Travis who I may not be completely over, I'm not entirely sure. And you know what his message said? "Hey, I miss you. Can we talk?"

He missed me? HE MISSED ME? Why now?? Maybe he was drunk. After all I got that message pretty late. Should I reply?

Fuck this. I should stop writing and start drinking. Welcome Valentines drunk, instead of ending it drunk. 

I wonder where Scott is. We should drink together.

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February 14. 10:00 AM.

Happy Valentines Day to me. I love my life. I love being single. I'm happy like this. Oooh, I'm making that my mantra!

Fuck Travis and his message. I shall celebrate this day.

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February 14. 10:30 AM.

So you know how I was drinking last night? And how people are generally stupid when they're drunk? I got pretty drunk and I did something stupid.

There should be an app or something so that drunk people can't send messages. I checked my phone. I sent a drunk text to Travis. "Heeeeeyyyyy. I mis u 2" That's what I sent him.

I wanna kill myself.

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February 14. 3:00 PM.

I'm writing an awful lot today. If you're reading this, you must be getting bored. Wait. If you're reading this, WHO THE HELL ARE YOU. Stop reading my diary.

Anyway, I'm a little sober now. That's why I have no excuse for what I just did. I called Travis. Like, I dialed his number but I put it down after 3 rings. Of course my name will show up on his missed calls list. He sent me a message after a couple of minutes, apologizing for not getting the call. He asked if I could see him tonight. I haven't replied.

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February 14. 5:00 PM.

I'm weak and I hate myself for it. I want to see Travis. I promise, just one night. You know, we were good together, before he gave me that ultimatum. I miss his kisses, his hugs... I miss him. Or the thought of him. Or maybe intimacy in general.

Valentines sucks. It's making me desperate and it's clouding my judgment! Or is it the alcohol?

In other news, I haven't seen Scott all day. He's probably painting the town red with Alex. At least one of us is getting lucky tonight. Maybe they're getting down at this very moment. Damn.

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February 15. 12:00 PM.

My head hurts. No surprise there. My room is a mess. No surprise there, either.

But why the hell is Scott sleeping beside me? Where is Travis? Where is Alex?

I need ibuprofen.

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February 15. 12:15 PM.

Holy shit. Memories are coming back. Did that really just happen?

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A/N: This story is dedicated to Deanne Adams. I may not know her personally but her work has inspired me to start writing again. :)

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