Changkyun wanted to throw up.
He'd heard Wonho yell about having found something, but as much as he wanted Hyungwon's dream to be a reality in order to make Hyungwon feel sane, he wasn't altogether that eager about turning up the bloated corpse of a boy he'd known, a boy he had maybe been friends with, a boy he could at least empathize with.
But as much as he'd been hoping the "something" Wonho had found was a mistake, he was wrong. It didn't look like the Kihyun he remembered, but it was him. He still looked fairly recognizable, probably due to the season, as the water was naturally colder and had preserved the corpse fairly well.
But the image didn't resonate with the one in his mind, the Kihyun with narrowed eyes who made sharp, mean comments. It wasn't that he'd liked Kihyun. He doubted if anyone really had, with the exception of Hyungwon, for whatever reason. But he knew that Kihyun hadn't chosen to become the Kihyun he remembered. None of them had chosen this, this life of isolation and questioning. But that was the Kihyun he knew, mean, sure, and bitter and harsh and-
And alive.
He tried not to look down at the pale body that they were towing back to land. Wonho had found him, weighed down by bags of rocks that had been tied to his wrists and ankles. The body - Changkyun had a hard time calling it Kihyun - had been stripped, and dark bruising was present around the throat. Changkyun tried not to look, but the image was burned into his mind, shadows of fingers long gone twisting around the fragile skin, fingers Hyungwon had also known.
He didn't understand how anyone could do that to a person, especially to someone like them, someone already broken. Was the person trying to break Kihyun even further? Or were they trying to fix him?
Could any of them be fixed?
The soles of his feet kissed ground, and he abandoned the effort of swimming, choosing to walk instead. He couldn't look at the body, so he stared straight ahead instead. After a few seconds, he was able to make out two figures in the darkness. One was sitting, facing them, knees drawn up, elbows resting on top of them. Jooheon.
The other was simply a dense dart mass of compact matter. Hyungwon.
Changkyun felt his pulse begin to accelerate, but he forced himself to focus. He had a job he needed to do. Jooheon was with Hyungwon. He'd be okay.
For now, he had to get the body out of the water.
A minute later and it was done. They laid the body down on the grass gently, not that Kihyun needed it now. It didn't matter how kindly they treated his corpse. But still, while unspoken, they felt it was something they had to do.
Wonho grabbed a spare shirt from his bag of equipment and draped it over the body, covering things not meant to be seen, from the upper thighs to the throat.
"It's him," Minhyuk said, his voice hoarse. Changkyun hadn't heard him speak since they'd found the body. Maybe even before that. Changkyun didn't think they really believed Hyungwon until they'd seen the hand, rope connecting a bag of rocks with pale, violated skin. "It's Kihyun."
Jooheon shushed them harshly. "Don't let Hyungwon see," he said, keeping his voice low. His eyes darted down once, scanning the face, before he looked up. He didn't look down again. "We need to get him out of here."
"What's going on?" Changkyun asked, trying to see past Jooheon, but the darkness obscured most of his vision, and Jooheon's figure blocked the rest.
"He's having a panic attack," Jooheon said, although his eyes strayed to Shownu's before looking back at Changkyun. "Can you help him to the car? We'll take care of..." He paused, swallowing, although he didn't allow his eyes to betray any weakness. "We'll take care of him." His voice was soft, delicate. Possessive, not in a needy way, but in the manner of ownership, of belonging. Kihyun belonged to them, and they to him. He was one of them, and they would take care of him. They had found him when he was lost. They would not abandon him.
Changkyun pushed past Jooheon, feeling relief flood his system with each step he put between himself and the body, but when he saw his friend on the ground, shaking, moonlight reflecting off of tears, he felt himself grow weak.
"Hey," he whispered, crouching down beside Hyungwon. "I'm here. I'm here, Hyungwon. Me, Changkyun. We..." He paused, not sure if what he was about to say would make it worse. "We found him, Hyungwon. We found Kihyun. You were right, Hyungwon. He was there. We found him."
Hyungwon flinched, his hands slowly retracting from their position over his head, but he didn't stop rocking back and forth.
Changkyun's eyes darkened. He couldn't bear to see his friend in such pain, and he didn't know what had caused it. "I'm going to help you back to the car, okay?"
Hyungwon didn't respond, and Changkyun hesitated before reaching out and ever so gently sifting his fingers through Hyungwon's hair. Hyungwon stilled but didn't open his eyes, and Changkyun slowly moved his hand from Hyungwon's hair to his shoulder before helping Hyungwon stand up, taking on most of the taller boy's weight, and helping him move to the car.
They'd accomplished their goal, but there was no joy in such a dark task.
