It was almost midnight, and the six of them were shivering, stamping their feet against the wet grass.
Five of them were wearing wetsuits and they'd picked up earlier, and Shownu was passing heavy flashlights around.
"The lake isn't that deep," Shownu said. "If you find anything, swim up and get the others." He turned to Hyungwon. "You'll be okay here by yourself?" Shownu asked. Changkyun opened his mouth, his brows furrowing, before closing it.
"I'll be okay," Hyungwon said before looking across the lake, transfixed. "The moon," he said softly, staring at the reflection on the lake, exactly as he'd seen it in his dream.
"All right," Shownu said, turning to the others. "Let's go search for him."
"Ask your ghost brother to chip in too, okay?" Jooheon asked under his breath.
"If he starts talking about Kihyun, I'll listen" was Shownu's reply.
And then the five of them, some with more misgivings than others, were wading into the lake, leaving Hyungwon behind on the shore to gaze at the moon's reflection.
It was really beautiful in a way, he thought. The subtle ripples dragged the moon out, spreading it across the lake. The water looked pure black, the moon pure white.
And somewhere underneath that black veil lay Kihyun's body, somewhere the moon couldn't reach.
But they'd find him and bring him back so the gentle moonlight could kiss his pale skin. They needed to find him, because right now, Kihyun was lost.
Hyungwon continued staring at the surface of the lake. Every now and then, he'd hear one of the others swim up for air or talk to each other.
"Did you see anything?"
A sigh. "No. You?"
"Why would I ask you if I'd found him, you idiot?"
Hyungwon brought his knees in to his chest and rocked back and forth slightly. He still couldn't get over the fact that they'd believed him, that somebody had finally listened to him. He'd been having the dreams for a year or two now, and when he'd told people what he'd seen, all he received in reply were indecipherable looks and muddled whispers. Ripples that had grown too small to reach him. But he knew. He knew that everybody thought he was crazy.
His mother.
His siblings.
His father, who had never said a word about it. Sometimes, he had looked at Hyungwon like he wanted to believe, and Hyungwon had stared back, begging with his eyes for someone to trust him. Because it had been a lonely existence, constantly driving people away. But what was he supposed to have done? It was true for him, real for him, and he couldn't live by fostering a lie.
But truth hurt people. It pushed them away. It made him lonely, alone.
He was still lonely, but he wasn't alone.
Water lapped up against the shore as more voices filtered over to his ears.
"Still nothing."
"There's just too much to search."
"I shouldn't do it. It's wrong...No, I can't..."
Hyungwon closed his eyes. The air was cool on his face, cold even, but it didn't bother him. There'd been no breeze in the institution. There'd been no moon, either.
But there had been Kihyun.
As though summoned by the thought, Hyungwon felt hands going around his throat and squeezing. He felt the memory of ten fingers pressing down on him, trying to cut off his - Kihyun's - air.
He started to feel light-headed and dizzy, and that's when he tried to take a deep breath to push the memory of the dream away, only-
Only, he couldn't take a deep breath. He couldn't breathe at all.
Feeling a familiar panic start to settle in his system as adrenaline began flowing through his veins, his eyes fluttered open. He could make out the dark sky and the moon reflecting off the lake.
Dream?
Or reality?
Dream...
or...
His chest heaved as it scraped the bottom of his lungs for air that simply wasn't there. He felt wet streaks on his face. He couldn't remember that detail from his dreams. Was it a new dream?
Or is this not a dream at all?
He tried to call out for help, but no words escaped his lips. A low noise came out of his throat as he grasped desperately for air. And just as within the dream, he raised his hands, tried to push his attacker away, but they fluttered weakly, powerless.
"I'm sorry," the attacker said. Hyungwon couldn't make out the face. But he didn't remember that in the old dream, either. There had been no apology.
He felt something hot begin to burn in his stomach with that realization.
This isn't a dream.
I'm going to die.
Me.
Not Kihyun.
I'm going to...
A strong force slammed into them, and Hyungwon was thrown off to the side, air returning inside his lungs all at once, as though he were swallowing an explosion. It hurt to breathe, it hurt to think, it hurt to even see, so he shut his eyes, curling into a ball, his chest pumping up and down, and each breath felt like he was being stabbed, each exhalation like the knife was being twisted on the way out. Tears were streaming down his face, but it was all just too much for him to take in. He needed silence, he needed darkness, he needed the absence of everything and everyone.
And someone had wanted the absence of him, as well.
"Damn it, Shownu!" Jooheon yelled, but his voice sounded strange and faraway, as though he were shouting from underwater. Hyungwon ignored it, ignored him, ignored everything.
A few feet away from Hyungwon's curled-up form was Shownu, his fingers twitching slightly from being tensed.
