Wonho's mouth dropped open slightly, his tongue embedded to the roof of his mouth as he fought between various responses.
Dr. Irving nodded to himself before sighing. "Hoseok, do you remember the incident that triggered this all?"
Wonho frowned, suddenly feeling far less comfortable in his own skin. He couldn't recall an event that had been significant enough to affect him mentally, nor could he recall months - half a year - that some other consciousness had spent controlling his body. The thought nauseated him. "No, I...I don't remember." He paused, swallowing as he pictured his mother, his sweet, caring mother who likely hadn't seen him in six months. "I want to go home."
Dr. Irving exhaled deeply. "We'll get to your release later, Hoseok, but it's important that you understand what happened to you and why it happened."
"So why did it happen then?" Wonho asked, frustrated. He just wanted to leave. Everything about this place was just scraping at his skin, and his mind was screaming at him to get out, to leave it all behind for the life he knew, the life he felt comfortable in, where he was Shin Hoseok and Shin Hoseok was him and everything was simple and easy.
Dr. Irving looked troubled by his question and took a few moments to compose his thoughts. "Hoseok, events like this usually share a common trigger," he said slowly. "Which isn't to say every case is the same, but in most eventualities..." He licked his lips, trying to delay the inevitable. "In most eventualities, the initial stressor involves some type of sexual abuse or harassment."
Wonho blinked, the itching feeling dissolving as his limbs filled with horror. "I didn't...that never..."
"I'm sorry, Wonho, but it's my job to be honest with you as your doctor," Dr. Irving said, crossing his legs as he shifted in his chair. "A little over six months ago, you were getting your annual sports physical to be on the track team for your high school."
Wonho's head buzzed slightly with the familiar information. He remembered running every morning in the summer as school drew closer, trying to get in his best physical state. But he couldn't remember attending a sports physical.
"You were going to see your regular doctor, but he was out of town, so you had an appointment with a female doctor who had been recently hired."
If Wonho strained his mind, he could picture the outline of her, but he couldn't see her face with any degree of clarity.
"What they didn't know when they hired her was that she'd recently been fired from a position as a high school boys' swim coach for sexually harassing some of her students."
Wonho became aware of his head shaking back and forth. He knew in the back of his mind that he had to be consciously controlling his head movements, but he wasn't feeling very consciously aware at the moment. He felt like denying everything. But he couldn't, because he didn't remember anything.
"I don't know what exactly happened during your appointment with her, but it was shortly after that day that you woke up with a different consciousness. Your mother thought it was just a temporary thing at first, but when it persisted, she contacted us, and we admitted you into the program." Dr. Irving shifted once more in his chair. "We weren't informed of the exact circumstances of your stressor until later, so we believe that's what continued to create new consciousnesses. Every Sunday, we hold physical and psychological examinations, and all patients are required to undress. We think that the physical examination triggered your stressor, and when we came to that conclusion, we stopped having you undergo a full physical examination. That was around a month or two ago, and during that time, you remained under the consciousness of 'Nathan.'"
Wonho blinked, still reeling from all the information being thrown at him. "Nathan..." he repeated weakly.
"Yes," Dr. Irving said, nodding. "When we stopped your physical examinations, your mind stopped creating alternate consciousnesses to cope with the trauma, and you've lived as 'Nathan' for the past five or so weeks. That's likely why everyone has been referring to you as Nathan, because they've grown used to that consciousness, and since you haven't changed in a while, they expected it to stay."
"But I'm Shin Hoseok," Wonho said, but the words sounded fake even to his own ears. He wasn't quite sure what was true anymore. He didn't know if he wanted any more truth for today.
Dr. Irving just nodded. "Yes, you're Shin Hoseok, and you're likely to stay as Shin Hoseok for the rest of your life."
Wonho paused. "When can I...when can I go home?"
Dr. Irving hesitated, rubbing his right eyebrow as he stalled. "I'm afraid it's not quite that simple, Hoseok."
