Mental

xlviii.

Recurring nightmare, Wonho mulled in his mind as he walked back to their shared room. In a way, he regretted asking Dr. Irving since he was now more curious than before, but he knew that he couldn't just go up to Hyungwon and ask him what his nightmares were about. But he did want to know. He wondered if it had anything to do with how Hyungwon didn't like being touched.

He knew somewhere in the back of his mind that it wasn't his job to fix Hyungwon and that the taller boy wasn't his responsibility or burden to carry, but...

He had a few weeks before he could leave, anyway. May as well try to make a positive impact for the remainder of his time here. Even if Changkyun was always shooting him dirty looks.

***

Wonho got back to their room, and he and Hyungwon did a short exercise routine before changing and laying down. The lights went off, but Wonho didn't go to sleep. He kept his arms folded behind his head and just stared at what he thought was the ceiling. The darkness obscured nearly everything.

Logically speaking, in that same pragmatic part of his brain that often reminded him that Hyungwon was not a helpless child and that he didn't need to do anything for the boy, he knew that he should close his eyes. Go to sleep. Why not? He was accomplishing nothing burning the night away.

And yet...

In the less logical side of his brain, the side that said he didn't need to have a reason to treat other people like human beings, he felt that he needed to stay awake. He wasn't sure why. He didn't have a reason for that, either. It was just...intuition. A feeling. A feeling that was keeping him awake for what he hoped was a good reason (even if he himself hadn't figured it out yet).

The night was silent for a long time. Two, perhaps three hours. He'd been fighting off drowsiness for a bit, and he was beginning to resign himself to the fact that there'd been no reason to stay up in the first place.

But then a few more minutes passed, and the reason came.

It came in the sound of quick, uneven breaths, in soft whimpers, in the clawing of hands against bed sheets.

The noises scared Wonho at first, made him want to close his eyes and pray for morning, but then he realized.

Recurring nightmare.

Hyungwon was having another panic attack, alone, in the dark, in the middle of the night.

Wonho rolled out of his own bed, planting his feet steadily on the floor before resting his palm against the wall and tracing the contours of the room, leading himself to Hyungwon's bed. "Hyungwon?" he whispered before realizing that Hyungwon could still be in the middle of the nightmare and that perhaps talking would make something worse. So he continued trailing along the wall until his right thigh bumped into something soft, Hyungwon's mattress he guessed, and he patted around with his hand to confirm his suspicions.

Now that he was this close, however, he realized that he didn't know what to do. He couldn't touch Hyungwon and risk escalating his anxiety. And Wonho wasn't very good with words, especially not in these sort of situations. Not that he really had a category to put the situation in. He'd never had to deal with something like this before, not that he could remember.

So how was he supposed to help Hyungwon?

After another agonizing thirty seconds of listening to Hyungwon's panicked breathing from the corner of the room, Wonho decided that he had to say something. Either to wake him up if he wasn't already conscious, or to calm him down. And then maybe, maybe Hyungwon would ask for a hug, or maybe Wonho would offer one. He wasn't sure how comprehensible Hyungwon was going to be, if at all.

But he didn't really have any other options than to lie in his bed and ignore what was happening.

"Hyungwon," he said, his voice still soft but clear. "Hyungwon," he repeated when he heard nothing new from the other side of the bed. He followed the edge of the mattress. He sensed Hyungwon rather than heard him, felt the waves of fear radiating outward from the corner of the room.

He had to make a decision.

Touch, or don't touch.

He hesitated for one moment before reaching out and gently taking hold of Hyungwon's shoulders, knowing there was no other way to comfort him. Hyungwon jerked back, but Wonho kept a firm enough grip on him to make sure that he didn't hit the wall again. After a moment, Hyungwon shuddered, his breaths suddenly becoming more shallow.

"Kihyun, I need..." Hyungwon mumbled, his voice low and frantic. "Kihyun-"

Wonho didn't know much of Kihyun, but from what the others had said, he knew enough about the unknown boy to gather that he wasn't coming back. "Hyungwon, I'm here, okay?" Wonho hesitated before rubbing Hyungwon's back slowly, trying not to startle him. He honestly still wasn't sure if Hyungwon was talking in his sleep or if he'd woken up.

Hyungwon's breathing slowly evened out as the tension left his body. After a few minutes, he was completely limp in Wonho's arms.

Wonho exhaled deeply before carefully easing Hyungwon down so his head was resting on the pillow once more. He stayed for a moment to make sure Hyungwon was asleep before returning to his own bed.

He wondered if anything would be different in the morning.