boulder → l.h ⋆ m.c

you were numb by the time you got to new york city

:november 14, 2016

     "we've had this conversation too many times." luke shakes his head as he wipes blood from michael's forehead. "you need to stop putting yourself in danger like this."

     "right, i'll just go out and get a job." michael rolls his eyes. "it's not like i'm a fugitive, or anything..."

     luke huffs and stands up from his chair. "all i'm saying is that you're doing unnecessary shit and getting yourself hurt, and it needs to stop. i'm tired of patching you up every night because you can't go an hour without fighting someone." he throws the used, bloody paper towels in the trash can and walks to the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.

     michael groans, resting his head in hands. the past couple of months had been rough. finding a new city and new hotel every week was difficult, and it caused an ever-rising level of tension between michael and luke. michael understood, luke didn't ask for the life he was in, so understandably, it was hard for luke to cope. still, michael hated fighting with luke.

     but the fighting had become unavoidable, and michael prepares himself when he hears the bathroom door opening. he looks up from his hands to see luke walking back to the table.

     however, luke doesn't sit back down. he rests his hands on the table and leans on them. "i can't do this anymore, michael."

     "do what?"

     "this," luke gestures to the space they were in. "all of this. i can't keep running from city to city, and staying in a different bed almost every night. i can't- i can't run anymore."

     "so what do you suggest we do?" michael asks as he stands up. "go back home?" he raises an eyebrow.

     luke looks down. "stop." he pauses, sighing as he runs his hands through his hair. "i want a home, michael." he looks back up at michael, tears in his eyes. "we just keep driving from coast to coast, back and forth like it's fine. i can't do it, michael, i need to stop. we need to settle somewhere–"

     "i don't know if you forgot, but if i get too comfortable somewhere– if i let my guard down–  i'm screwed. i will never get out of prison, luke." michael retorts, kicking the chair behind him as he walks across the room. "but by all means, luke– the one not being charged with murder–  wants to settle, so we'll settle!" michael flings his arms in the air as he yells.

     luke flinches as michael yells, and retreats within himself as michael's words pierce his heart like the man is throwing daggers at him. "fine. you keep running, but i'm done." luke snaps as he angrily packs up his things. "this isn't living, michael, and you know that." he shakes his head, zipping up his bag.

     "luke–"

     "give me my keys, michael." luke says solemnly as he stands in front of michael with his hand open in front of him. michael stares at luke for a moment, before slamming the keys into his hand.

     luke leaves without another word. he leaves seattle that night without michael, and drives until he reaches new york city.

     luke tried to push the fight from his mind, but he succeeded for only a day, when he was alone in the middle of minnesota and he couldn't look over to see michael smiling in the passenger seat.

     luke cried harder than he ever had, and he screamed until his throat was raw and he wasn't even making noise anymore. luke cried until he was too dehydrated to even form tears.

     luke cried when he slept alone in a hotel in milwaukee. he sobbed into the pillows until the sun came up and the birds started chirping for reasons luke would never understand. he didn't understand why the sun even bothered to come up, or why the birds sounded so happy when there was nothing happy about the situation.

     luke shed a few tears as he ate breakfast alone, and he forced back tears when michael's favorite song played in the car. but by the time luke hit pittsburgh, he was numb. luke felt nothing when he crossed new york state lines and thought about the first time michael took him to times square. luke didn't shed any more tears over the situation after he arrived in new york city.

     but when luke arrived in new york, michael was still buried under the covers in his hotel in seattle. he had a false sense of hope that luke would come back, that he just needed to blow off steam. but two days turned into two weeks, and two months, and michael had to accept that luke was gone and he wasn't coming back.

     what michael regretted more than the fight in itself, though, was the reality that he was wrong the whole time. luke didn't love him, no matter what he told himself, and that was the very worst part.