Over Commer

1 ~ Decline

~Kelsey~

My life seemed to be going pretty well up until about two years ago when I was only 13. My mom and I lived alone, and I had no recollection of my past or where I came from. Mom never wanted to talk about the past, and I never pressed her for answers. She told me that her parents had passed away before I was even born, and she never had any brothers or sisters of her own. I know nothing about my father or any other family that may be out there such as Grandma's, Grandpa's, Aunts, Uncles, cousins... Mom never married as far as I know, and has always told me that my dad and his family never wanted anything to do with her and that she never wanted to follow in the way that they lived their lives anyhow. She said that right after she had me, she decided to move away from where we were, and went her way in life. Never having a lot of money with just her one income, it was always easy living just the two of us, and I honestly could not see living it any other way. It was simple, never chaotic. My mom and I were each other's shoulder to cry on and a crutch for one another. I never felt lonely or empty with her, and we led such a carefree, no-rules, adventurous life. I would not call myself spoiled, but Mom had so much trust in me that she let me do as I pleased, and was never one to yell at or punish me for mundane, ridiculous stuff.

When I was around the age of thirteen, my mom got sick rather suddenly. I remember a neighbor of ours giving us a ride to the local emergency hospital because mom was so weak, and she was coughing up blood. It was really scary seeing her like this, and all I wanted was for her to get better. The hospital never did extensive testing at that time, as we were not financially able to do anything too extensive. They figured that she probably had some bad upper respiratory bug, prescribed her some strong medications, and sent us on our way. The meds seemed to help, but after a few weeks, her symptoms came back in full force. This time around Mom was able to get more extensive testing done - where we came up with the money all of a sudden this time I was not sure.

Diagnostics came back, and she was diagnosed with an aggressive form of lymphatic cancer that was at the time localized, and the oncologists had a positive outlook on treatments. She decided to go through a few rounds of chemo and radiation, which looked like everything was going great and slowed down the cancer significantly, sending her into remission. Two years later, Mom started getting sick again. Testing confirmed her cancer had returned full force, stage four, and had spread throughout her body. It was just a matter of time now before she would be gone forever. She never caused a scene about it, and just seemed to accept the inevitable. She lived every day to its fullest and tried to spend as much time as she could with me while she still could. I sincerely believe that the only reason she was holding on any longer was she didn't want to leave me to be by myself.

Mom took good care of me though. I went to an average high school, had a normal group of friends- including my best friend Harper, and had a part-time job at a small local café. We tried to take small trips whenever we were able to do so, and she made sure that I had the essentials in life to make sure I could be sustainable whenever I was on my own. She was more like my best friend, and not a parent at times. She never had any rules for me, and she never punished me for anything. I was not spoiled, or a brat by any means though, and I still tried to do what was right by her to keep her happy. She was all I had after all, and I was so unsure of my future without her in it, and where I would be going from here. We never really discussed what would happen after she was gone, and frankly, I was afraid to discuss it. Maybe secretly I thought that if we never discussed it, then nothing would happen.