About That Sunday

Jessica: Choices.

My blankets wrapped around me comforting me in my thoughts. Through the door, I could hear whispers. Although they were trying to keep their voices down, it was useless. It was as if my senses were heightened, maybe from the stress or lack of sleepy. Both of them were trying to give me space and they did so by keeping their distance.

Chelsea's eyes found mine often. I could tell it was taking every ounce of strength she had not to talk with me. Ryan just kept offering me food whenever I left my bedroom.

I knew what needed to be done. I knew that no matter how much I loved the siblings outside of my door I needed to be alone. I wanted to be alone to work through this. I couldn't burden Chelsea or Ryan any longer.

Truthfully, I was envious of the man that killed Richard Price. My mind would not allow me to feel sorry for the way he died. Janice, the director that took his place, had no problem explaining how Richard met his demise. The girls husband saw the bruises. He killed Richard that night in his office. He beat him so badly that police had to tase him to snap him out of his fury.

Janice knew Richard had a reputation. She pulled aside every single girl in that meeting and told them they were safe now. That Hollywood had failed them for allowing him to continue after the rumors.

Ian sat beside me and held my hand while Ryan eyed me; silently asking if I was alright. I knew I had support and love. I knew Chelsea was in my dressing room waiting for my return but none of that mattered. I wanted to crawl out of my skin. I wanted to run.

The movie was to go on as scheduled with Janice as the new Director and I need to distance myself from Chelsea. She wanted me to heal and grow and feel all of this but I needed it gone at an exponential speeds so I could move forward.

My feet kicked the blanket off of my body and I sat up off of the bed. My body felt weak and sluggish as I walked towards my bedroom door.

"Chelsea?" My voice called from my half open door. "Can we talk for a bit?"

"Yes of course." Her eyes met mine. The way the light reflected off of them made me regret what I was about to do. Her face was soft and full of concern but she played it cool while she walked towards me.

"Are you okay?" She asked as she stepped into the bedroom.

Having her this close to me made me hate myself. She was here for me and I was ready to throw that away so I didn't have to feel what she wanted me to feel.

"I need you to go." I whispered as if my strength completely left my body.

"You just asked to talk to me Jessica." Chelsea remained calm.

"No, I need you to go home." I added sternly.

Chelsea hesitated, her blue eyes locked on mine as she read my body language. "And you think that will help?"

"I don't want to talk about."

"I didn't ask you to. What I want to know is why? Why push me away now?" Chelsea took a step towards me as she spoke.

"You were there for me and I appreciate it more than you will ever know but, right now I need to be alone." I could feel her blues burning holes through me. If my life depended on it I could not look at her directly.

"Jessica..."

"Please Chelsea, just go home."

"No." She stated firmly as she closed the distance between us. "No I think I like LA, avocados and all." She joked.

"I won't talk to you. I won't give you what you need. I won't talk about it and I will not have you pick me up off the floor again. Go home Chelsea."

Chelsea's hand reached up to my face. Gently, she lifted my chin until my eyes met hers.

"Say it now, while you're looking at me. Tell me you want me to leave rather than to stay and give you space."

Her eyes were burning through mine. Her hair held hints of lavender and berries. Her lips were curled to a crooked smile and for just a few seconds I forgot what this week had done to me.

"Please Chelsea, being with you means I have to deal with this and I'm not ready."

"So don't be ready then." Chelsea's lawyer demeanor had returned in full capacity. "Talk when you're ready but don't throw away everything in the mean time."

Instinctively I moved her hand away. There was something about the way she spoke the bothered me.

"I'm not throwing away anything Chelsea. This is what I mean. You don't understand what I am feeling."

"Right, you're just throwing me away. That makes perfect sense."

"I'm not I just want to be alone."

"And how did that work for you last time?" Chelsea's frustration was starting to verbalize as her collected facade slowly crumbled away.

"Go to hell Chelsea. That was a low blow and you know it." My voice carried through the room more loudly than I expected.

"I'm not leaving."

"Yes you..." Before I could finish my sentence Chelsea lips were on mine. Her hands locked in my hair as she pulled me into her.

My hands grabbed her waist as I tried to push her away. Her hand made its way to my cheek as she wiped away a tear that escaped from my tightly closed eyes. Her lips stayed on mine and I felt myself begin to relax. My hands, that once tried to push her away, now gripped her hips and pulled her closer.

Everything left me. The thoughts of him, the pressure of the movie, his murder, dealing with these wounds, all of it completely gone the moment her lips met mine.

Then she broke the kiss. "You don't have to do this alone. You can have your space and all the time you need but I will not leave you alone." Chelsea's hands were still on my face. Her thumb traced circles on my jaw line as her eyes burned through mine.

"Your job." I whispered.

"I have five weeks of vacation. I'll deal with it here while I can."

"What happens when you can't? Aren't we just prolonging the inevitable? My job takes me all over the world. You're committed in New York Chelsea. You have dreams and goals just like I do." I blurted everything out. "I'm broken, I literally have issues. I can't expect you do deal with this." I gestured at myself.

"You're not broken, you're hurt. Stop staying that you're damaged." She paused momentarily and took a slow deep breath. "Our jobs are our jobs Jessica. I don't expect either of us to let those dreams go. We will work around them. That's what I want."

"I'm not worth all of that trouble Chelsea. That's why you should go."

"I'm sorry but you can't tell me what I find value in. I knew, the first time you tried to hit me with a bat you were worth it. I knew when you concocted a crazy revenge plan on that asshole that you were the perfect amount of crazy. So if you want to worry about the bullshit that could happen than maybe you're right and I should leave. But the Jessica I know is better than that. The Jessica I know would let me go back to the kitchen and hang out with my annoyingly optimistic brother and lock the door behind me so I don't just come back in later." When Chelsea finished her rant I was smiling again.

Sometimes, people think they know what they need or want. They think they can do things on their own. They think they can heal without help and sometimes they're completely right. But in my case I didn't realize just how much I needed her regardless of how much she kept showing me that I did. I needed that support and love.

At that moment I decided to stop pushing away people who care about me. I didn't want to be alone in this and thanks to Chelsea I didn't have to.

"Okay." I smiled as I shook my head. "But I'm not locking the door."

"Then I'll be back in later." Chelsea kissed my forehead. She turned and walked out. She left me as she always did, with hope of a better tomorrow.