One Night

Month 3

* 

I wasn't sure if it was the right thing to show my new boyfriend, but when I mentioned I went for an ultrasound, he immeidiately asked if he could see the picture. When I showed him at lunch, he was overjoyed at the sight of the picture. He took it from me with a huge smile, his eyes lovingly looking over it, over my little child. He rubbed his thumb over it with a wishful thought on his face. 

"They're going to be beautiful," he said, smiling a little, the corners of his mouth turning up. "Just like their mom." His eyes came up to meet mine breifly before they went back to the picture. He gazed at it for a moment longer while I blushed at the compliment and took a sip of water. He handed the picture back to me and I took it and put it back into my wallet which went back into my purse. 

"I was going to have a child once," he said, wistfully. I frowned. 

"Oh?" I asked, genuinly surprised. 

"Yes, I was engaged once a couple years ago and my fiancee was pregnant, nearly her second trimester. We were on our way home from the ultrasound and we had just found out we were going to have a boy!" he said, his eyes tearing up. "We were hit by a distracted driver, texting and driving, on the passenger side and she.... they didn't make it." 

My own eyes teared up and I reached for him to pull him into a hug. I pulled him to me, my stomach kind of getting in the way. My heart broke for my boyfriend. I didn't understand the pain of losing a child, born or unborn, but I prayed that I never did. It would kill me inside knowing I'd lost my little boy or girl. But then a thought crossed my mind, what if he's only with me for my kid, his wish for being a father going to be fulfilled by me and my child. I started to pull back when he spoke up, still holding me close to him. 

"I really do like you, Savanna," he said. "It's not just cause you're pregnant and like I said earlier, I won't be involved in his or her life if you don't want me to. They are your child and I will respect whatever decision you make," he said. He pulled back and gave me a tearful smile. "But if you do let me help you raise your child, I promise I'll be the father I know I can be and I would have been to my own little boy." 

I smiled and kissed him, our tears intermingling. When we were done, I pulled away. 

"I'll let you help raise him or her," I promised. "You'd be an amazing dad." He smiled and kissed me again gently. 

"I hope so," he prayed as we walked back to work. 

* 

Alexander has only fought my decision about not telling Chris one more time since he brought it up the first time. He drug up the subject after a long, boring day at work, when my feet had been swelled the entire day, morning sickness at all hours and all I wanted to do was go to sleep. He set a plate of food in front of me before he leaned against the counter, his arms crossed, looking deep in thought. I sighed, knowing he was going to be like that until he got whatever he had off of his chest. Not wanting to delay that situation, I just ripped the bandaide off and prayed for the best. 

"What is it Alexander?" 

He looked up startled before he answered. 

"I think you should tell Christopher about the child," he said, bluntly. I set my fork down, sighing. I thought we'd been over this. 

"I told you. I didn't want to affect his deci-" 

"Affect his decision on leaving you. Blah, blah, blah, but come on Savanna! That's bull shit. He deserves to know about his child! Half of the baby is made up of him anyway! You need to tell him," he snapped. 

"So? He left me! He doesn't deserve to know about him or her right now! Maybe when they're older and want to me him, I'll tell him but not now! Not after 3 months of absolutely nothing!" I snapped back. 

"And what is that going to do to him? Finding out he has a child he never knew about? Finding out he missed an oppurtuntiy to be a father? Finding out that you let some other man raise his child? Finding out he missed the chance to be the dad he never had? How is that fair? Just tell me Savanna, just how the fuck is that fair to him!" he growled. 

"Same reason it isn't fair that he left me AFTER EVERYTHING WE WENT THROUGH TO GET HERE! HE LEFT ME WITHOUT EXPLAINING ANYTHING. IT'S NOT LIKE I'M DOING THIS FOR NO REASON. HE PROMISED HE WOULDN'T LEAVE AND HE FUCKING LEFT ME" I shouted, standing up. I nearly knocked my plate to the ground in the process.

"LOOK IT'S MY CHILD. MINE. NOT YOURS. SO ITS NOT YOUR CALL TO TELL ME WHO I CAN AND CANT TELL ABOUT THE BABY. ITS NOT YOUR BABY, THEREFOR NOT YOUR RIGHT TO TELL ME TO TELL THE FATHER. GET THAT? I SHALL TELL THE FATHER WHEN I WANT AND I WILL LET BEN HELP RAISE THEM. YOU KNOW WHY? BECAUSE IT'S NOT YOUR DAMN BUSINESS OR YOUR KID!" I stormed off, passing Sam on the way to my room to lay down. I sunk onto my bed and put a pillow under my back to support me. I sighed, tears rushing down my face. 

"You didn't have to approach it like that. She doesn't want to hear that," Sam said. "She is right though. It is her choice on whether or not if she tells the father," she added. I heard a door slam and I assumed he left.

I cried myself asleep that night.