Desired

19. Bad Aim

'That's helpful,' I say sarcastically.

'Not really. Next pot.' Bo steps back and sits on the ground behind me.

I shake my head; re-positioning myself, I  aim and shoot again. I continue moving along all pots.

I don't hit any of them. Not even, when I imagine Zach's head.

I hate loving him. 

On the sixth, I restart at the beginning aiming for the big pot and hit it. The seventh I miss. Lowering the gun, I turn to Bo annoyed.

He smiles. 'At least we know, you've got a one out of seven chance of hitting a target.'

'Those are terrible odds,' I sigh, handing the gun to Bo.

'Better than zero out of seven.' Bo pats the floor next to him. 'I got us something to eat.'

I sit next to Bo on the paved area. He hands me a fork and opens the jar. We eat straight out the jar chewing it slowly. Pickled potatoes and carrots.

They love pickling here, as much as Naturalist's love crocheting.

The food tastes of nothing but misery which I force myself to swallow. I imagine people from the Naturalist settlement and the look of disgust on their faces if they were to see me eat like this in front of them. Sharing from a jar, using a fork someone else has touched would horrify them. It doesn't bother me.

I'm not sure anything will bother me again.

'Out of your family, were only you and your dad resistant to Virulence?' I ask.

'Yeah. My mum died from Virulence shortly after giving birth. I caught it too but survived so did my dad.' Bo glances at me. 'So you're completely undamaged by Virulence?'

I nod.

'But you grew up in a settlement that didn't allow touch to prevent Virulence transmission?'

I give him a tight smile. 'Yes. I only found out I was resistant recently. Sixteen years of no physical contact due to fear of Virulence and it turns out, I'm not affected.'

'That must have pissed you off.'

I let out a harsh laugh. 'I was more worried about dying from all the testing Zach's mum and her white-coated minions were carrying out on me.'

'After you left, Zach mentioned the trials they were doing to make people resistant to Virulence. I didn't realise his mum was involved,' Bo says quietly

'Zach didn't know his mum was involved until he got me out.' Why am I defending him? I shake my head and let out a shaky exhale. Pressing my lips together, I hold back the sobs threatening to escape. I refuse to cry anymore.

Bo frowns but places of a forkful of food in his mouth. He chews slowly and once finished, he asks. 'So that actually worked for your settlement? No touching meant people didn't get Virulence?'

'I think the twelve weeks of quarantine was the real reason, and the neighbouring Techie settlement were spraying the area to kill any potential animal carriers. They also were in charge of clearing away the bodies and preventing unwanted outsiders. Not that many people wanted access to our settlement. No touch and living without electricity, warm water and technology wasn't very appealing, even when faced with death.' I prod the food inside the jar with my fork.

'Or people didn't think it would work,' Bo says, 'Roman's family was part of a religious cult that started at the beginning of the Virulence outbreak but they were all dead within a few months.'

'At the beginning? Are you sure?' I frown.

'It's what Roman told me.' Bo looks at me and opens his arms out wide. 'Are you cool for me to start giving you hugs now?'

'What?' I jerk away from him.

'You know after yesterday and you making physical contact, it means the boundaries have been broken and we can hug on a regular basis,' He stretches his arms out even wider. 'I'm a real big hugger.'

I search for words. My whole body seizes up slightly yet maybe I could. It's not a horrendous idea. I move hesitantly, forcing my muscles to loosen. Bo bursts into laughter and lowers his arms. 'Seriously, Kit, you look like I've just asked you to lick my asshole. I was joking. When have I ever hugged anyone?'

I exhale roughly. 'I hate you.'

'No, you don't.' Bo stands. 'Time to get on with the duties. Turns out even a near-death experience doesn't give us a day off. We're on field duty, Ethel wants us to stay in the fields near the house.'

I stand. A day of duties will hopefully distract from the internal agony expanding inside me and threatening to turn me into a shrivelled crying mess.